Yeah, I've done some light flirting....very light (lol) with H. I realize that I still have a closed heart to a great degree. I was thinking about that last night and trying to pinpoint when I actually started feeling that way toward him. I think it was 21 years ago when our grandson was born and was staying with us a lot. Instead of making him go to bed in the spare bedroom (as I chose to do), my H would allow him to stay in the front room on the hide-a-way bed/couch......and he would sleep with him. So, that is when he started staying out of our bedroom and got into even a worse habit than he had before about falling asleep watching TV every night. He seem to like doing that more than coming to bed with me at a normal bedtime. I thought it instilled bad habits in the GS, but like I've said before, H was always the "good" guy and I was the "bad".
Anyway, that was when I started really resenting him sleeping in the front room all the time. It had been bad enough when he would come to bed after midnight or later, but then it just went to full time sleeping on the couch or hide-a-way. After the GS was older and not staying over all the time, H was still sleeping in front room. 21 years later.....he still chooses to do that. I told him how I felt and he had not explaination really.....nothing of any weight. I took it as a sign of neglect and laziness to work on the R. If he could not compromise on that one thing I have pleaded with him over the years.....then...well, I gave up. But the resentment grew and my heart closed up. Then, of course, we finally stopped having sex at all.
So, I'm trying to reach a point where we are friends again. Right now, we are having a lot of drama in our family.....in fact, it is mostly to do with that same grandson. So, it takes a toll on us. But, at least we are not at odds with each other.
This problem with the grandson is somewhat of a new development...well, not really new, but has gotten worse.....anyway, it is tearing me up and I am having a hard time today. Would appreciate prayers. He needs to get his head on straight and get his life straighten out before he messes up any more than what he already has. He is living with us at the present and that makes things more difficult for H and me.
It is not about what you feel should work in your M. It is about doing the work that gets the right results. Do what works!
