Showing desire, in a real way...

[Kettricken]

RJ, I agree with MJ .... of course you know him best, but the "buff comment" struck me also as something that *could* have been an attempted come-on tease, rather than a straight up fish for validation. I like the suggested responses.

Of course, I don't know much about your sitch, being of recent vintage. But this got my attention:

As far as activities, I feel I have an interesting life, but I tend to take one activity at a time and focus on it intently, where my H makes my head spin in circles. Right now I am starting up a biz with my psychologist college friend and it's quite exciting. I guess I view his distraction as immature, and I also have to deal with this trait in my son.

I can well understand why this could be irritating to live with ... but I'm hearing (perhaps wrongly) an element of "Why can't he just be a grown-up, and do it the right way, like me?" I'm sure you know how that kind of pigeonholing/expectation is doomed to disappointment, as he is clearly not "just like you" in personality and never will be.

It sounds like you know you are struggling with some heavy-duty negative filters where he is concerned and for all I know he has earned every one of them. But you both want your marriage to succeed, so I think you may need to really focus on questioning most, if not all, of your assumptions about his behavior and manner.

As far as the sex goes .... not easy when they just *aren't* what you want, for any variety of reasons. The only suggestion I can think of (apart from keeping up on MJ's playful banter) is to try to put yourself into a somewhat predatory mindset if poss. If you are wanting/waiting to be seduced, and they just aren't pushing your buttons for whatever reason .... you can't BE seduced. You CAN be the seductress ... or better yet, the tigress. Take what you want. Snarl.

Well, that rambled a bit ....

I hope the alone time has been a bit of a break, to help you get your feathers unruffled. We need those from time to time.