Thanks - I only say that b/c that is the lesson that I have learned in therapy from my own sitch with H. I am generally a very decisive person - I have always known what I want, when I want and how I want it. I need to learn (am starting to learn) to take a step back and allow the opportunity for my H (as well as others) to get a chance to step up and be able to express their opinions/wants.
Glad you are thinking this out fully. I like the suggestions on here that you pose it as both and opportunity as well as a personal need. Letting her have some imput may be the way to earn yourself some points as well. But the bottom line is, even if she is resistant you still need to do whatever it is for you to feel better about the situation. Love the "flip it" idea. Will def give you something to do with your free time and if your M sitch turns around will be a good investment.
I still think that taking this next step will get your W looking at the reality of your situation and get her to a point where she can decide if she wants to work on things or not. Its been a long time and you have been more than patient. But you need to see something in return if you are going to continue on this path.
Me: 30 EX-H: 37 DD: 5 Separated 6/07. MC for months, EX-H quit MC. Divorce Final 8/14/08. Trying to move on with new life.
I think my real estate lady likes me!....oh, who am I kidding, she's looking for a sale and talking sweet to a despondant guy in trouble to get him to buy a house!
Hey, my anniversary is 1 wk from now, what do I do? The expert C says nada.
C
Me: 46 Wife: 39 D: 13 S: 11, 9, 7 Bomb 3.2.07, Sep Same Day, D papers 11.1.07 Current Status - Wants to take me through Discovery, I will go to prison first.
Me: 46 Wife: 39 D: 13 S: 11, 9, 7 Bomb 3.2.07, Sep Same Day, D papers 11.1.07 Current Status - Wants to take me through Discovery, I will go to prison first.
I have to agree with the C, nada maybe the way to go.
But in the spirit of still being a caring person (woman and all) and I am somewhat sentimental I would have a card available to you, just a plain one, maybe even blank, in case she gets you one. That way you don't look like you forgot. Cause we all know how that storey goes, esp for you boys.
I don't know, the call is yours. I know that Nomo had some good ideas on Stew's thread when his anniv came up. Some posters had good ideas about how to handle.
I know when H's birthday came up this year during the separation, I still acknowledged it and gave him a gift from me and very nice cards and gift from D4.
Just an idea. Be prepared for the best or the worst.
If you set low expectations then you won't be disappointed.
Me: 30 EX-H: 37 DD: 5 Separated 6/07. MC for months, EX-H quit MC. Divorce Final 8/14/08. Trying to move on with new life.
I don't think nada is the best choice. My 10 yr anniversary was about 10 days ago. We didn't talk about it in advance, but we exchanged cards. Mine to him was short and sweet, a blank card that I wrote a short note in (Have I told you about my idea for a line of greeting cards for separated/estranged spouses? There are NO appropriate cards out there for our situation!) His to me was a "Thinking of you" card, which he filled with a long note for me. More details on my thread.
I think you should at least get her a card and write something sweet, but not romantic in it. I took Puddle's advice and wrote that I was glad that he was part of my life. Did you ever have anniversaries when you were S before? (I think I remember that you've been S more than once, right? If I'm wrong, just ignore my babbling.) If you don't acknowledge the day in anyway, I think W could definitely hold it against you ("that bum forgot!"), but if you do something small, the worst she can say is "That fool is still in love with me," which she already knows.
