The Good, the Bad, and the Funny 4

[nephartiti]

Wow, Mk. It sounds like you H does have some serious self esteem issues. He probably feels like you are too good for him and that he does not deserve you or his normal stable family that comes with you.

S9's dad has said something similar to me. He says that he sabotaged our relationship because he felt he was living in my shadow. He felt I was too good. This put a lot of pressure on him to be bigger and better than he thought he was. His next girlfriend was a younger immature mess that couldn't even get up and out to work on time. He had to totally parent her just so she could halfway function. His life was chaos for 2 1/2 years. Now he is with a stable good responsible woman. Your H just has to go through this. I think you are really dealing with classic MLC. He probably has tons of guilt. He sounds like he was a really compssionate guy at one time. Sometimes people like that cannot accept that they have negative thoughts or feelings, even though this is normal. They are consumed with so much guilt that it feels like a death sentence.

Here's my 2 cents. Drop the rope completely. Go totally dark. Don't put any blame or guilt on him. When he spews, don't argue. Don't pressure him to help with the kids. When he comes, be totally detached and non threatening. Go on with life as usual, but don't make a big display of what he has left, is missing. Show him that you are strong and capable;you don't need him. You are seriously thinking about D, so this will just prepare you if you do. However, it may give the space he needs to finish his MLC process and start moving to the next phase.

Have you put together a basic timeline of his MLC process so far?