Remembering myself, Part II

[Dom R]

welcome back

I get the answer "I'm more comfortable this way" or no answer at all. ...

I was going to write an item-by-item reply.. but I think this might be a summary of your relationship dynamic.
This is one of the primary ways your relationship with him functions.. and it's a problem.
The thing is; you have the power to change it.
if you are more assertive

The problem that I see here is;
He's gotten trained that anything he doesnt want to do, he can just pretend it doesnt exist... and you let him

From an objective point of view; yes he's treating you rudely.
However, by your actions, or lack thereof, you have given him "permission" to treat you that way. Which, to a twisted point of view,makes it no longer rude any more.

Most people dont put up with being treated rudely. If you condone a certain behaviour from him by accepting it... you have essentially "told" him, that it is ok.

You have to stop letting him get away with the "pretend he doesnt hear you" garbage.
If you're in the middle of sex... and you ask him for some '9' for your '6'... and he doesnt respond... then you STOP! and talk to him:
"Does what I'm doing feel good to you?"
(if he refuses to respond, then stop completely, and walk away)
"I want to feel good too. So how about it?
(if he refuses to respond, then stop completely)
(if he indicates 'no',then maybe do something else.. if you feel generous)

I think you gotta go to the "demanding" level with your husband. Or at least, "insistent".

I think that you could have so much more out of your marriage, if you change yourself that way. and it would be a positive thing for both of you.

It does not jive when you tell your W that she is a great wife, attractive etc... and then not to do anything about it.

This is the one thing that didnt mesh with all the rest. it's kinda wierd. it probably means he has 'issues'. but you dont have to 'fix' him. you DO have a responsability to not check out of your marriage.

If you try to "stand up for yourself", by "not volunteering for crap sex"... then you're not going to have any sex. Whichwill eventually lead you to check out of your marriage, given enough time. [besides,thats not "standing up", that's more like "sitting down"! :)]


If, on the other hand, you "stand up for yourself", by directly confronting your husband about your needs, and not letting him weasle out.... you will eventually get your needs fulfilled from him.
You just have to be very careful that you are asking for
appropriate needs to be filled, and in a reasonable way.

PS: it doesnt matter diddly what the "average of marital sexuality" is. What matters, is what you need, and whether your husband is meeting your needs as best as he can.
If he isnt.. the best thing to do for your marriage, is to confront him about it, not silently give up on yourself and your marriage.