There and Back, #7

[S_O_T_S]

Hi morgan.

Long time no post, though I have been following along.

A few comments.

I can't even imagine him agreeing to dinner or the like, and then what, he goes home to her? I'm ill just thinking about it.

Thinking about this is largely inevitable. So is feeling the loss and the hurt that will come with it.

So all you can do is let it be what it will be and try to minimize the impact it will have on you. You have a plan, and it sounded like one to help keep you busy and as distracted as you could be.

I'm sure he'll still remember our wedding date.

I'm sure he'll remember too. Question is, will anything come of it. My guess is no, since that would be the majority pattern.

as for the discrepency between me wanting the card, but not wanting him to say anything, its because the cards I saw were from people who wanted to make their relationships better. sure, if H wants to do that, I'm open to it.

Yes, perfectly understandable how you could be conflicted in that way. You'd like it to be one way, and would like to avoid the hurt that accompanies everything if it turns out not to be that way.

I don't want guilt/pity/sympathy on that day. I don't. and that's all I see coming from him if we have any contact at all.

I wouldn't really expect anything from him. You're the one on the ground, so you know your situation better than anyone else. So if you think he's going to do nothing (or do something that might make things worse for you), then....

Bottom line is, you have your plan and do what's right for you.

I guarantee I will be a weeping, blubbering mess,

Not too many that wouldn't be. Nothing wrong with that.

damn, I'm pathetic. I'm crying now.

And this makes you pathetic because?????

Seems normal to me. What am I missing here?

I didn't realize you were an unfeeling robot. That'll make the weekend of the 13th interesting.

, I'll be at the peak (at least this peak) and will be able to see what I'm so afraid of now. I'll have my answers...

And what willl you be able to see? A snapshot in time, and a future with an infinite number of possibilities ahead.

The bigger question though, is when will you be able to get past this day and get back to taking the focus off of him and putting it back onto you?

What does it look like when you're doing that, and what steps do you need to be taking to makae that happen?

how will I make it thru...I will make it thru, after all, but how?

You'll have your plan, and follow it.

You keep picking up one foot and putting it down in front of you all day no matter what. And eventually that day will be over and done with. And you will have survived it.

maybe time heals that.

Time heals most everything.

And everything you wrote about the October anniversary - well I could have written it too.

Take care and see you in a week or so.