As always, thank you. I know, you're right. I want to contact everyone, but I know I can't. My fear as far as contacting OW's H would be seeing my H flip his lid and walk out the door. I know that's a real possibility and I don't want that to happen. I have high doubts that my H has told OW that I know. Why would he? It could break things apart. I don't think OW would be without emotion. I don't know if she'd apologize to me, but I think it would make her take a step back......maybe push her into reality. However, like I said....it would push my H over the edge if I called her or her H.
Did the OW's H in your situation know that you knew about the A when he talked to you or did he come to you thinking you had no knowledge of it? I don't remember. The other reason I don't want to contact OW's H is because I don't want to cause him any pain. He's a nice guy. For all I know, she's living her life like everything is perfect. Keep in mind that they don't see each other as much as my H and I do now. I might not have noticed as much if we'd kept the same schedules either. But my H has a better schedule and we're around each other more. He can't hide it as well. If it does fade, which I pray that it does soon, why would I want to hurt her H if there's no need?
H hasn't let me really kiss him in a long time. Just a peck here or there. Last night he did. It was so nice. It's just more of a connection to me. I miss that.
I have to get my butt out of the low I'm in. The gloomy weather doesn't help, but I have to pull myself up.
Oh, we were watching a tv show last night and Heather Locklear was guest starring. She was visiting her sister and was there to get away for a few days because she and her H were having issues. At the end, David Spade's character convinced her that she should go back to her H.......that he was a child of divorce and that his parents always said that not working on their marriage and getting a divorce was something that they regretted all their lives!! Hey, a positive thing!!
Thanks for being here for me today.
SueS
ME: 42, H: 42, D6 Together: 18 yrs. Married: 15 yrs. Attended Retrouvaille - December 2009 Status: Working on it day by day
Did the OW's H in your situation know that you knew about the A when he talked to you or did he come to you thinking you had no knowledge of it? I don't remember. The other reason I don't want to contact OW's H is because I don't want to cause him any pain.
Sue, OW's H knew about the A before me. He suspected it, and hired a PI, tapped his phone (legal in Missouri), and gathered physical evidence. He did all of this out of fear of losing his kids and the house in a potential divorce. He told OW that he would be contacting me, so my H confessed, but remember my H did not confess everything. So, when I finally returned OW's H call, he knew I knew, but definately filled me in on more things.
I debated for weeks about contacting him (remember, MY H told me he didn't know yet) because I would want someone to tell me. However, I did not because I didn't want to be the one to divide their family. I didn't want their kids to lose their dad because of something I did. However, looking back, I should have called sooner.
Would you want OW's H to call you if you were in the dark?
For now, I think sitting and waiting is what you should do. Like you said, your H might walk out the door out of sheer anger that you contacted one of them. And you don't want him to leave. It might backslide all the positive things going on right now. However, if you see more evidence of them seeing each other more, calling each other more, then you can rethink. Its soooo hard to wait and see, I know you want to R talk with him every time you see him, but I think it would just make him feel cornered. He isn't going to forget that you know, just because you don't bring it up.
I know all about the kissing thing, and I am glad you did some of that last night. Its a sort of reconnection thing, isn't it?
Oh my!! Rules Of Engagement!! I love that show. I love "Putty" from Seinfeld and that show is hilarious with him on there. I saw it last night too.
Would you want OW's H to call you if you were in the dark?
He isn't going to forget that you know, just because you don't bring it up.
lwb- Yes, I would want OW's H to call me if I were in the dark. In fact, I've wondered many times if I'll walk out of work or pick up my phone and OW's H will be there. We've only been around each other about 3 times, but we got along. I'm sure OW's H knows our last name, but I'm not sure if he remembers who I work for or even how he'd find me. I've wondered if he's aware, has he ever thought about contacting me or trying to find me. And maybe if he does know, he's thinking the same thing.....why cause more pain!
And to your other point. I know that H isn't going to forget that I know just because I don't bring it up. Sometimes I just get the feeling that our S's think......oh, she'll deal with it.
Yes, Rules of Engagement. We were both laughing at it last night. Perfect for us to be watching it together.
SueS
ME: 42, H: 42, D6 Together: 18 yrs. Married: 15 yrs. Attended Retrouvaille - December 2009 Status: Working on it day by day
OW's H had no other way to contact me except by our home phone number. He was going to mail me a letter, but figured H would intercept it. I think it took some courage for him to call our home and leave a message specifically for me. But what's even funnier is H called me at work to GIVE ME THE MESSAGE! lol
OW's H is always an option for you, think of it as a serious Plan B.
Not sure of the wiseness of getting in touch with OP. At the moment, you are treating it as something that is so below your radar that he is the one feeling guilty. Start contacting them and he will feel that you are being intrusive.
Big smack for the phone (but I'll let you off because of the pink nightie) lol.
Step back, breath deeply and no R talk at the moment. Is it going to change anything, or is it going to make you appear 'needy'. Let him raise it.
Thank you! I know I do need to take a step back and take some deep breaths. I just had a really, really tough time doing that this morning. You are right. R talk right now wouldn't change things.....probably make things more uncomfortable between us. It's only been a week since our last confrontation and I'm sure he's still on high alert from that.
I won't contact OW or her H. It would surprise the heck out of my H though if I did, as he 'd never expect me to do it. However, I know exactly where it would put him.....out the door or at least on the couch, without his ring on and not talking to me.
Sorry about the phone thing. I need to make a pact with lwb that we won't snoop anymore. We both admitted in our threads that we do it more than we should. I almost think that there's a very small chance that H might have seen me peaking yesterday morning. Not sure, but it's possible. Although part of me thinks he would have smacked my hand himself!
I promise to try to raise my spirits up......despite the cloudy, gloomy weather we're having.
Have a good day.
SueS
ME: 42, H: 42, D6 Together: 18 yrs. Married: 15 yrs. Attended Retrouvaille - December 2009 Status: Working on it day by day
Sue, I thought at one time about trying to contact OW's H because I did not know if the rumor I heard was true about them seeing each other. I just wanted confirmation. He ended up calling me and telling much more than I really cared to know.
So I guess the only reason I would call was to confirm it, if I already knew I wouldn't call in hopes of breaking the "happy couple" up.
Yoyo
Life's challenges are not supposed to paralyze you, they're supposed to help you discover who you are. -- Bernice Johnson Reagon
Yeah, I guess I might be a little afraid of what he might tell me. I probably don't want to hear it. Calling would likely make things worse for myself and OW's H. I guess the initial rush would be there but then I'd be feeling worse and thinking more about this than before.
H took my van today. I forgot that it was almost empty. I wanted H to use a certain account to pay for gas from, so I called him on his break. He was at the gas station just about to put gas in. Not because it's the nice thing to do for your wife. His comment was.....well, it is just a hair above E. I wanted to say......as a joke of course.....oh, so if were 2 hairs above E you'd wait to make me fill it? But considering that he answered his phone "What?", I didn't think the joke would really go over well! I just have to try not to overthink things today. It's been slow for him at work, it's raining and very gloomy today. The weather is kind of contributing to a lot of bad moods today.
One more hour of work. I can't wait to go pick up D3. Hopefully she'll brighten my day!
SueS
ME: 42, H: 42, D6 Together: 18 yrs. Married: 15 yrs. Attended Retrouvaille - December 2009 Status: Working on it day by day
Keep in mind, while we are going through so much, feeling lost, feeling out of control sometimes, our spouses are doing this PLUS living with guilt. UGH I would never want to trade places.
Its a sort of reconnection thing, isn't it? 
I know I do need to take a step back and take some deep breaths. I just had a really, really tough time doing that this morning. You are right. R talk right now wouldn't change things.....probably make things more uncomfortable between us. It's only been a week since our last confrontation and I'm sure he's still on high alert from that.
I probably don't want to hear it. Calling would likely make things worse for myself and OW's H. I guess the initial rush would be there but then I'd be feeling worse and thinking more about this than before.