Wow, thanks so much for all of your kind words, insight and advice. It really is nice to log on and see your posts!
Well, all has been quite here which has been great.
School has been going quite nicely and I absolutely LOVE teaching college freshman. They are so receptive to postive reinforcement and truly want to better themselves. I really belive that they will teach me as much as I teach them. I find that very exciting, too. Their insight about current events and life in general is so interesting to me and I have surmized that this age group (18 - 20) may get a bum wrap. They all have good heads on their shoulders yet need a little shove in the right direction..more like someone to hold their hand because their confidence levels are pretty low at the time (These are the students who failed their entrance exam to freshman year for English)
As for me, I have spent way too much time trying to figure out what XH is up to. If he wants to take me to court about the kids not being allowed to leave the country, so be it. His bullying won't work anymore. And, to tell you the truth, if his cycling is accurate, by next week he will be nice XH again.
The sooner I accept this cycling the better. The sooner I de-personalize what he does, the better.
Narcissistic Personality Disorder is very complicated to figure out. In fact, it is borderline impossible to do so. I have started reading some excerpts again from an interesting website that I haven't read in a while. Basically, the way to deal with NPD people is to disassociate yourself and keep it all business. Boy, if that ain't the truth..
I thought this was a profound about Narcissism so I thought it would be a good idea to post..Laughing, you may be especially interested as you and I seem to be dealing with similiar stuff.. Contradictory Behaviours of Narcissists
To need to be loved is not synonymous to loving. The narcissist is looking for power, adulation, attention, affirmation, etc. This is called Narcissistic Supply. The narcissist experiences this as "love". But he is incapable of giving love back, of loving. And because he is afraid of being abandoned he initiates the abandonment. It gives him a feeling that the situation is under control, that he is the one who is doing the abandoning and that, therefore, it does not "qualify" as abandonment. He brings about his own abandonment to "get it over with" and to be able to say: "I made her leave me and good riddance. Had I not acted the way I did she would have stayed on."
A relationship is a contract. I provide intelligence, money, insight, fun, good company, status and so on. I expect Narcissistic Supply in return. The contract runs its natural course until it is terminated, as all business contracts do.
It's so freaky to imagine these human being devoid of empathy and the ability to exude emotion. It's like they are evil, almost. I can't believe I lasted 12 years with a person who has these traits. I sacrificed so much of myself to try to overcompensate for being in an R with an NPD and so much time trying to get my NPD H to be a emotinally happy husband and father.
I am very lucky to have seen this all right now. Truly lucky. Five years ago I felt like I was beaten down, a failure and my opinons and self worth really didn't matter. When you live with someone who has such little regard for human emotion, you begin to think you do not deserve those emotions..like empathy, kindness, caring, respect..
It is all about them. The sooner I get this through my head the better. No, he is not deliberately doing this, but he is a product of his environment and I can't change that.
The best I can do is enjoy what I do have now as a result of getting away from that toxic R.
It is in my nature to not hate and to forgive. This is what messes my head up. I don't like being indifferent, to ignore, not be kind..It's not me but that is how I have to act to XH in order to survive emotionally.
Well, off I go to grade my first round of essays!! The homework begins..
Thanks again for all the posts..I am doing just fine..I CHERISH my quiet time and I have it right now with my cup of coffee, laptop and the sun shining through my skylight..
