Piecing. It's like a fork in the Road (which way)?

[JAK58]

Journaling

Well R talk happened last nite.

Gave H a card, a simple one that told him I love him.
I do not tell him as I don't want him to feel he has to reply. He hasn't told me first since May when I confronted him with the Ow's phone #.
H said thank-you and told me he loved me too. I asked him if he really felt that and he said yes. Through the convo on the card I did tell him that is why I gave him a card so he didn't feel that he had to tell me if he didn't feel it.

Here goes! He said he was sorry he does still feel disconnected and is having a hard time trying to reconnect.(His words)
He has connected with everyone else I can see it. I know he is trying to with me, But apparently not working as well as he would like. I told him Im'e tired and I want him to be happy but, that i want to be happy also that maybe we should separate. He said he didn't want that.( i gave him the out and he didn't want it, But I was ready for it). He said he does not have feelings for OW any longer(which I don't believe).

He said he did ask OW the other day after my last phone call if she had any Idea who was calling and she told him no. She then asked him if i would like her to call and talk to me about this and he said no.
I don't think anything much was going on on her part other than maybe using H to get work done on her house, so maybe her intentions are sincere.

I know they say that the W is the last to reconnect with. I am hoping when he does it is with me. But i also don't know how much longer I can do this before i say im'e done and moving on.

I do know that if he does come around and does reconnect that it will be a much better M than it ever was, because just ibn his trying he has been so much better. Just don't know how much longer I can wait for that. JUST SO TIRED.
I did not feel that it was a good time to tell him what i want out of the M and i really don't think i will need to once he comes out of this, I think he will already know.

I need to detach more yet again and make him wonder what he could be missing even more. the stage has been set for more of that.

JAK