( from Fran's thread) Lou, I think it's great that you read a lot, watch relationship programs, look up info on the internet, attend seminars, etc. It's taking an active role in the marriage and finding direction. This was my H's and my weak spot. Underneath, we were both unhappy and were thinking about life without each other, rather than trying to work with what you have. We both didn't fully accept the marriage.
It wasn't until I came on board here that I realized how much I wanted to make it work. It was quite a realization for me. In a way, I sort of feel unmarried right now. I want to view my H with clear eyes, see who he is, and to evaluate ( and I'd like for him to do the same), in an open, honest way. No matter what happens, I hope we both stay on the road of self discovery... that is the exciting part of life!
It's a challenge to me to keep my sensuality going. I had that period of HDness, but overall, I still am LD, and LD relative to my H. I know he would like to feel desire from me, and I have a hard time accessing that. He's coming home tomorrow and I feel some anxiety about that. Some of our conversations have been good and some have been stilted. We had a few flirty moments and did a little fun TM's but mostly it's been shop talk. The TM's did produce some tingles in me...again, I see that I respond to words, not visuals.
Last nite he mentioned that he has been going to the gym 2x/day, and commented to me how I won't be able to resist his buff bod. So there it is again...that need for validation/admiration...and I find myself being put off by it. I guess I need to give him what he needs, even if it's difficult for me, since I have asked him to give me what I need, and he has been following through. We seem to be sexual opposites, so it really is a case of both of us working with what we have. I guess I am still unsure if it will work.
