last night I got the "you're a great person, but I don't love you, its over" speech. said she cannot continue to live this way. currently we are sleeping in different rooms. says its too stressful to be in same house together. says shes really scared about what's upcoming because she thinks that if I don't get what I want, I can turn and be very evil. she also started crying and explaining a situation or event between us from 11 yrs ago that really hurt her. it had to do w her pregnancy. I didn't know this had hurt so bad. talk about resentment. she said there were additional events and she has felt this way for so long that there is no way she can change her feelings. I told her its never too late for anything. I asked her that we need to eventually talk about all these events that are boiling over. one thing that came up in counseling was the csr asked her if she could forgive me..."yes". maybe she really can't.
I asked her not to give up and thought she would be much happier trying to rebuild our m vs. heading into the unknown. I'm hoping shed rather put some effort towards rebuilding our M vs giving up and being miserable. it doesn't have to be like this. its frustrating because we totally get along. I think we just have to put each other first and spend some time together. I told her I know more about myself and her than I ever had. I think I know what she needs now and would like the opportunity to rebuild our R. I wish shed just give us a chance and let us both put out some effort towards this.
anyway, we have a csr session tonight. I'm going to definitely bring up the "forgive" thought again. I can't change what happened 11yrs ago. I'm sorry its been festering in her for so long. I have always loved her so much, but never told her or showed her very well. I wish we could end our old marriage and begin work on a new one.
