I'm seeing light, now what?

[the girl]

PS,
I know exactly, exactly that horrible, anxiety ridden, isolated feeling of hearing all the stuff your W said to you about her feelings not changing, and how you had to tell her to count the costs and that you are in till the end...

Ug. it is like trying to run a marathon with your shoelaces tied. You feel like a pathetic idiot, but you are not giving up. I love that in you and I pray God would give you mountains of stamina.

When I kept getting that speech from my H, it was because he was still all muddled up with the OW, though claiming it was over. It is the coward stance. They are too weak, enmeshed with the fantasy of the A, double faced and spineless to take a stand.

What if you just told her to go do what she wants? Almost a 'devil may care' attitude? I am wondering if she is taking you for granted, thinking you'll just put up with whatever she dishes out.

That was my tactic, and it apparently worked, as my H is not talking that way anymore and is really trying to improve things. Every time I heard the "we aren't getting anywhere and my feelings haven't changed" spewing at me, I imagined myself a duck and said, "you are free to go. I am not holding you. Go do what you want. I am not filing. Leave me if you want." I tried to let it roll off my back.
But geeeez, it kills.

I know that he talks that way when things are heated up with the OW. In which case I really have no control and nothing to work on. Sometimes I pretend he has already left me and I start making plans for my life without him. Like, "what would I do if I was a single girl?". It helps.

God bless you. You are a real man!
The Girl