Stop allowing her to call the shots! You go to a lawyer now! Get the divorce. Pay only what the law says to pay. Stop letting her use you. You are no longer responsible for her. Do you get that? You are still trying to work everything out for her b/c you still feel so guilty for your mistakes.....well, join the club! Some of us WAW's actually feel guilty too! (That is not to say I'm supporting what she is doing.) I am telling you to stop this constant beating yourself to a pulp! Stop it!! Every person on this board has messed up big time or we wouldn't be here. Support your kids and let her do whatever she has do to for herself. She wanted the D, she wanted to be without you, so by God.....let her see how it will be without you! Let her get by the best way she can! She thinks she can make so much more than you....fine....let her. Why does she have her hand stuck out all the time? Forget it. She is using you! She's not worth it! Right?

You need to channel you anger in a different way. Buy a punching bag and punch the hell out of it! Run until you drop! But stop this mental ambush. You've punished yourself enough. It's time to stop it and start over. You can't undo what has happened so quit re-living it all the blessed time. I'm surpised you can crawl out of the bed and get to work every day....much less two jobs.

Now, go get help for yourself. Seriously. Your self-esteem needs healing. You said yourself that you've had a problem in that area. You need some counseling sweetie. I read back over all your thread and you are saying the same thing over and over again. I know, you have to work through this....but it is time to get off the pot. Let her go.........then and only then will you ever have a chance in hell that she will ever see the light and do some changing of her own. You are clinging to the past that will never be again. Let her go. It is time. Move on.

Remember this, as long as she is not married to another.....it is never too late. However, until she does some changing.....do you really want her back....like she is now?

Now, sweetie-pie, this comes from the heart of a WAW. We women seem to want what we think we can't have. If you change.....really change.....and not for her, but for you and become the man you like....it is possible for her to see that man and decide she likes him and wants him back......if....if he still would want her. But she will never want the man back that she sees now. Nor, will you be able to live with the man you are now. So, I plead with you......go become the person you like. Okay? (((((big hug))))

It is not about what you feel should work in your M. It is about doing the work that gets the right results. Do what works!