Growing up is hard to do

[peaceful_spirit]

Always,
I don't think I would call myself brave and strong... idiot is the word that comes to mind.

I'm coming up on two years since this mess started. The bomb didn't drop till Jan (part 1) and Feb (part 2), but I know looking back that this all started around this time two years ago. H started getting more and more distant. I started getting more and more angry and anxious. I was SO unhappy with myself during that time period. In fact, I remember saying to H on our way back from his sister's wedding two years ago, "what is there to love about me? Why do you love me?". I remember feeling really down about me. I just dind't like me at all. That feeling SUCKED.

I'm so happy not to be in that place anymore.

Okay, on the H front... We had a decent talk the other day. We opened up a bit and talked about what's working, what we need more of, etc... He asked when he'll be coming back into bed. I said when I feel more secure about us. Anyway, it was a good talk and I'm glad we had it. I am trying to do what the C said and communicate openly, but not in an arguementative tone.

H is away again until Thursday (which I'm happy about because it keeps me feeling balanced).