well, I survived. H just left. I was fine when he first got here, got a little freaked out, decided to run an errand to get me away from him. ran over to cvs to get a card for a friend whose father just passed away...wow, that was hard to do, to find one that was appropriate. of course, I had to pass the anniversary card section and yes, I did stop and look at some of them. buggers are all about love and such...how dare they? lol. I blubbered a little at them, put them all back, and moved on. that's when I saw something that shocked me. did you know they now make cards for "troubled relationships?" omg, I read a few, and they just reeked of desperation. maybe because of me needing to detach/not pursue and the like, that is why they come across to me as such. maybe there are instances where they are perfect. I know I would love to receive one of the ones I saw from H. fat chance of that happening. and no, I didn't get him one. just kept envisioning mk telling donna to see his apathy every time I am tempted by something like that.
not much else to say. he thought my new jacket looked frumpy, and he ate half (half!) the apple pie. that is a LOT of pie. but he did ask first.
he's planning on coming by on wedn, and again on thurs this week. ugh. well, tomorrow night is off at least. and now I'm a bit panicked because thursday seems to be routine all of the sudden, instead of wedn (he's coming this wedn because he has something in my town that day), and I do NOT want him coming here on our anniversary (which is on a thursday). at the same time, I don't want to actually tell him I don't want him to come by on our anniversary...I don't want to talk about the day to him at all. I don't want to hear his voice, see his face, discuss it or allude to it in any manner. I can't. I know that seems over the top to many of you, but its who I am. I know me, and I know what I need. that day is really going to suck for me, and I don't want any sympathy or pity from him. I don't want any guilt from him. I don't want any contact with him.
so now I need to figure out a gameplan in case he does plan to make thursdays his regular night. guess in that case, I need to get a sitter and get out of dodge quickly before he gets here. not easy to do, plus the added problem with coming home (I'll have to see him).
sh!t.
looks like I'm going to have to talk to him. will wait till he brings it up, then will e-mail him that thursday isn't good, can he do x night instead.
guess that is the best I'll be able to do.
Last edited by morgan; 10/01/0711:37 PM.
M-41 H-38 M-10 years, T-14 years Bomb-PA 3/19/07 Separated-6/7/07 Piecing/h back home 5/08 S-6 S-4 D-4
"Courage doesn't always roar. Sometimes courage is that little voice at the end of the day that says, 'I'll try again tomorrow.'"
