My W is acting in a very similar manner. Had some set backs at work recently and has leaned on me heavily during that time. Jokes with me, calls me just because, even said she loved me today. Through all of that, she maintains that she wants to D. We're legally separated, live in different states, and that's not enough for her to feel like we've started over. She needs to D so we can start dating again and "choose" the marriage.
All that said to get to this: I do not have any answers for you. I am right there, I fully understand what you're going through and if I ever figure out how she manages to treat me like her husband in most respects while still wanting to be legally freed from that bond, you'll be the first person I tell.
I have struggled with the issue of feeling foolish recently and the thing I kept coming back to is that what I'm doing may be foolish, but it's what I have to do. I wouldn't respect myself if I gave up just because everything I'm seeing and hearing suggests I should. I love her, this is my test. If it ends, I'll know I tried all I could. If not, well that's really what I'm here for isn't it.
Finally, it was suggested to me that I need to be less of a friend in favor of something a little more sexy. You spend too much time as a friend and her married/love feelings for you could get overwritten with friend feelings. So, I don't answer the phone every time she calls. I go out and do things and purposely leave the phone at home so that she knows I have a life outside of her. I want her to know I'm here for her but I don't want to EXPECT me to be here for her if that makes sense. Good luck.
