The problem stems with me.... my inability to talk about my situation, talk about the abuse in person. I'm learning, very slowly, but I am making progress.
You see, somewhere along the line I picked up shame. I wrapped this shame around me very tightly, along with my denial. The denial helped me by deluting the shame to a point I couldn't see it for what it was. You see, my problem also involved ego... for I felt that I was much too smart to be in the situation that I was in.
In the dance steps of abuse, this shame is manipulated by the abuser... this shame helps them maintain the secrets of what is going on behind closed dooors, how they keep the victim from speaking to anyone about what is going on. Certainly, if the ego didn't take a step or two in this dance, the shame would be easier to disolve.
You see, I have had the key to unlock some of the doors, but until just recently, was too ashamed of giving it a try.
Dick has been able to broadcast the abuse charges without fear of judgement, for they have been untrue.... but my own fear of judgement, has been standing in my way. It is why Dick appears to be the victim all along.
I just need to continue to grow stronger.... in order to help myself.
Take care...
Love,
Laughing
Jeremiah 29:11 For I know the plans I have for you.........
