Hi all. I haven't visited the forum in awhile due to work and all but I am back and am in need of advice. Currently separated, WAW states that she wants divorce. We initially separated in March 2007. I stopped communicating with her until she called and "because she was thinking about me." A few weeks later she lost someone who was very close to her and I was the one there comforting her, any potential divorce was the furtherest thing from my mind. I just wanted to take away her hurt. Unfortunately, she took too many sleeping pills during a bout of depression. I still am not sure if this was a suicide attempt, but I remained by her side as she had asked for me.
Since that time we have spent alot of time together, vacations, cruises, ect, with the goal that she would feel comfortable with me moving back. I was cool with this, marriage didn't get bad overnite so I figured that it would take time to heal. Interestingly, we split up b/c she stated that we bickered too much. These fusses were over insignificant things. Not the marjor things like infidelity, abuse, alcohol or drugs. I would quickly forget about the fusses as my theory is that if I woun't remeber what the fuss was about in 5 years, its not worth getting bent out of shape over. She felt differently.
Fast forward, on Sept 10th she informed me that she wanted a divorce b/c we argued too much. In a panic I asked that she delay filing for 90 days so that I could get my affairs in order and also not to be as emotional when the time came to file. I also wanted her to cool off a bit and maybe realize that she really didn't want a divorce. Communication was reduced to sending text messages b/c I wanted to give her space. We joked back and forth every 2 or 3 days. In a moment of weakness, I asked if she was still set on divorcing me. She said she was. I didn't yell, plead, cry or any of the other no no's. I simply wished her well and said good bye. It is important to know that she comes from a tight knit family, her sister is her best friend. Members of her family have told me that they could see that I have gone above and beyond the call of duty in trying to save the marriage. I had since started preparing for an inevitable divorce.
Just yesterday, she sends me a text telling me that her sister, who had originally introduced us, had just had her baby and they were doing great. This killed me b/c I was close to her side of the family and had wanted to be at the hospital for the birth. I, of course, was poitive and upbeat in my response (2 hours later) sending my best to the new parents. She was in the delivery room at birth and described it as awesome. She isn't acting as though she is angry with me.
In the back of my mind I hope that we will reconcile while friends and my family want me to move on and accept the divorce as inevitable.
My question, finally, is am I foolish to still believe that this marriage can be saved? Also, should I continue to do as I am doing and just communicate w/her, in an upbeat manner of course, only when she initiates it? Does anyone think the birth of her nephew plays into the equation? Any insight and or opinions would be greatly appreciated. Thanks in advance.
