Agreed wtih ROOT. My H said a few times at the heat of A, "If I want to leave, I would have. I won't be here. The easier path is to D." H always have control in life (not the little everyday stuff, but what he wants to be, where he is heading in life, etc.) and he told me he felt that the past year he has no control in life. Simply because he cannot find a solution to keep two women happy. There is no way. He knows he needs to choose but he cannot, or at least don't know how to minimize hte damage he has done. Easier to D and get it over with.
Deep inside I think he wants to be with you. OR at a minimum he knows that what he is doing is wrong. He just do not have the courage to dump OW. And he is terribly afraid. What if he dumps OW (which in his mind will totally destroy OW), comes back and finds that you are still the same person (or even worse after all these)? He would have chosen a "wrong" person/marriage for nothing!!! He may not know how to verbalize all these but it may be what he is thinking. Until he really wakes up and knows that he wants to be with you and have a committment, he will think D is easier since this M is already screwed up. But life with OW is a new start and he will have control/better life over there. Hang in there.
