Thanks, Mk. You make a very good point. I am snooping a lot less, but you are right. What good doesit do? I justify it by saying that /i am protecting myself, but I can protect myself without knowing all the gory details of what they are doing. It only makes it harder to act "as if" and makes it so much easier to get discouraged.
I took the kids to the farmer's market. H called soon after we arrived (during OW's conference no less). I answered. He sounded a little hesitant, but I was upbeat and asked if he wanted to talk to S2. He said yes, but first he wanted to talk to me He wanted to know if we were home so he could stop by. I told him where we were and that he was welcome to come. He said he had some errands but was going to stop by the house. I old him we were going to be a while and asked if he needed to pick up anything. He said he brought the drill for me from his dad's (I had asked to borrow it on Friday) and wanted to drop it off. He said he spent the weekend at his dad's. I asked how everyone was. Small talk. Then he started telling me stuff about school and actually asked my opinion. I didn't think I heard him right. When he repeated himself, I didn't know what to say. I do not want to be his fix it person, but I also don't want to reject his candid convo. I just told him he had to do what he had to do, blah, blah, whatever he thought was best. I made two mistakes. The first was when he asked about the car we are junking. He already told me to do whatever I thought was best with it, but my L said I need it in writing. He brought up the fact that the car was still sitting there and I told him I needed him to sign off on it b/c it is considered a joint asset. Before that came up, he was considering coming to see us at the park. After that, he decided to do what he had to do in LA. Mistake number two was, after talking about what will happen if he doesn't meet his deadline (losing his job, which I wouldn't mind), I mentioned that there was always other stuff out there. He said the idea of starting over was scary. I said "Yeah, I know. That's the story of your life these days, though. Starting over." I said it lightly, laughing, but I think it was a little bit too close to R talk. He said that every day this past month and a half has been like starting over. "You know what I mean." "Yes, I know." I definitely know. We were going to hang up, but then he asked how I was doing. :)Good. Then he asked about my family--mom, brother, grandparents, etc. Said they were all good. More small talk. He said he was going to leave the drill in the back yard and that he would call tomorrow AM to see the kids. For the record, he did not ask how S9 was doing
Total convo = 16 minutes, about four of those were talking to S2.
Not bad. He's made the last several calls. If he really comes over tomorrow, that will the shortest span of time between visits. I'm sure he was expecting me to ream him about spending so much money, but hey, it's his money. He can spend it if he wants, where he wants. I'm not reacting. In fact, I'm going to stop at the library and check out some books on passive aggressive personalities.
He did not drop off the drill yet.
Me29 H33 D9 months S2 S9(previous R) Sep 8-19-07 I file 11-5-07 H home (Retro) 2-15-08 "Today is the tomorrow of yesterday." -- S9
He wanted to know if we were home so he could stop by. I told him where we were and that he was welcome to come. He said he had some errands but was going to stop by the house. I old him we were going to be a while and asked if he needed to pick up anything. He said he brought the drill for me from his dad's (I had asked to borrow it on Friday) and wanted to drop it off. He said he spent the weekend at his dad's. I asked how everyone was. Small talk. Then he started telling me stuff about school and actually asked my opinion. I didn't think I heard him right. When he repeated himself, I didn't know what to say. I do not want to be his fix it person, but I also don't want to reject his candid convo. I just told him he had to do what he had to do, blah, blah, whatever he thought was best. I made two mistakes. The first was when he asked about the car we are junking. He already told me to do whatever I thought was best with it, but my L said I need it in writing. He brought up the fact that the car was still sitting there and I told him I needed him to sign off on it b/c it is considered a joint asset. Before that came up, he was considering coming to see us at the park. After that, he decided to do what he had to do in LA. Mistake number two was, after talking about what will happen if he doesn't meet his deadline (losing his job, which I wouldn't mind), I mentioned that there was always other stuff out there. He said the idea of starting over was scary. I said "Yeah, I know. That's the story of your life these days, though. Starting over." I said it lightly, laughing, but I think it was a little bit too close to R talk. He said that every day this past month and a half has been like starting over. "You know what I mean."
