Dom, thanks for the in-depth discussion and asking some very tough questions, it makes people think about what they say and/or aren't saying. Sometimes my writing doesn't convey what is actually going on, so I will try to clear the air a little:
-I don't "like" my wife, I love her very much. When our marriage hit the bricks two years ago, she has wanted no part in trying to save it, and went so far as to verbally and mentally abuse me for months, as I tried to hold the family together. She threatened suicide (with a whole plan of action of exactly how she would do it), extortion (do this/that or I leave you and the kids), and of course, no emotional or physical contact (whatsoever) in the past two years. Social isolation, family isolation, and more. When she found out that I had been abused as a kid, she used that against me too.
-The marriage counselor/family therapist told us both that raising the children in this situation (he has been involved with our situation for 2 years) would be just as harmful if not more than a divorce due to the non-resolution of all of these issues. She just wants to spend the next 8 years raising the kids, and not having anything to do with me. Absolutely nothing. She makes every effort not to physically touch me, or show any interest in any topics of discussion I bring up, unless it involves her interests. We are civil, and share a joke or two, but that's it.
-When I was lamenting about not being there for the kids, it was due to the fact that I had to frequently travel for the government in the past few months, and couldn't be there all of the time when the W was starting her new career and finding a new life/friends. I feel guilty when I try to take time for myself and GAL, where the kids get a little less time with me. I am the kids Gibraltar, and they know it, and they appreciate it. I make sure that the important things (big and little) are taken care of. Birthdays, homework, special events, taking people to the doctor when they are sick, housework, clothes shopping, last minute things for school, school events, and more. I love traditions, and make sure the family fun is never forgotten.
--I want more than a date, I want a life companion. Someone who won't isolate my kids from my family, who won't treat me like damaged goods, who wants to share some part of her life with me, who wants to learn and talk and laugh, and love with me. I don't want to wait until I'm darn near 50 for my wife to decide she wants a divorce. Right now she is getting more and more distant, and she is showing no signs of regret and/or slowing the divide, as I keep the house together, pay the bills, and listen to the kids complain about how the W never spends hardly any time with them as she is on her phone with her friends, or off with them.
--Believe me, I still harbor fantasies that she will 180 and want to work on the M, but forgiving person that I am, I don't know if I can't forget the horrible, vile things that she has said and done to me in the past two years. I want just to hold her hand so much, and can't even do that. Even that small of a gesture from her would (almost?) make it bearable.
