LO, I'm another one in the same boat as you so I understand COMPLETELY. My H is still home, but still has contact with OW. He talks about the future (in general terms), we spend time together, we talk, we are intimate ... but right now it's a 3-legged marriage. I am trying hard to GAL and doing DB. Am seriously considering doing the online coaching.
I agree about the lying. It seems like they just don't know how to be honest anymore! With my H it seems to be mostly lies of omission. He thinks that by not telling me when he is going to see her, it's not a lie. He'll say he's running out to do an errand, but then is gone for 2-3 hrs. It's nearly impossible for me NOT to say something it pisses me off so much (and sometimes I can't).
The OW is pressuring him. She has a habit of calling him when we're together (usually after drinking way too much). She hangs up on him, is b*tchy to him, argues with him, etc. She did that yesterday. She had a 'tude cause he was out with his family (too bad). Apparently they argued a few days ago, too. But I know she's not always that way. It's very hard NOT to be consumed by her (especially because she really is a low-life).
I am trying hard to be the opposite. I know he's confused (and foggy). But it's the hardest thing I've ever done in my life. Sometimes I get so angry with him and the entire situation I am ready to tell him to GET OUT. But then I think of our daughter, our home and everything we've worked for, etc. I was about at the end of my rope 2 weeks ago, but hung on, for dear life.
I think as long as our H's are in this state of confusion, it's a good thing for us. I keep thinking if he really wanted to be with her, he would be gone. Knowing that someone else is going through the same thing makes me feel better. I don't feel so alone.
We just have to keep asking God to grant us the patience of a saint. Hang in there.
