Well I did it. I made it through the swap and he never once mentioned Florida or the R. I just went with the flow and chatted with him a bit. He looked really tired but he stayed about 45 minutes with S and I. We did not talk about anything too important just stupid little things like always. He still looks at me like he expects me to mention R which I do not. Going on 4 weeks now. YEAH for me!!! I did do some minor physical contact but not much. I patted his arm twice and I touched his hair. He did not cringe etc so that was good.
He was very nice and he told me he had gotten the stuff to change the oil in my car. He had not mentioned it since last week so I did not think he was going to do it. I asked him how much I owe him and he said not to worry abuot it but I told him to take it out of what he gives me this week. It should only be about $20 or less since that is what the local garage charges $18.99. I never paid him before but we shall see if he deducts the money or not. I will not mention it again though either way.
He did not mention when he would do it and someone dropped a car off last night to be worked on. He had told me he was doing a car today and that he would give me half of the money since he was using the garage etc.
So last night he never asked what S and I were doing this weekend or mentioned wanting to see S before we leave for Florida. He just takes it for granted that we will be here this weekend and he can drop by when he wants to. How do I handle this? I understand that he would want to see S if he comes over but it irritates me that he does not ask when we will be home. If he does not see him this weekend then he will not see him for 2 weeks. How should I handle this weekend? We will be packing etc and we have a couple of things planned but should I make us some other ones so maybe he realizes that we are not here for when he is lonely etc. It upsets me that on weekends he does not seem to want to see our S and does not make an effort to or asks what we are doing. He just drops by when he feels like it etc. Any ideas.
Another thought I am having is that maybe he has made up his mind and just does not want to tell me befoe my trip to Florida. Could I come home to devastating news? That is what I am worried about right now. I sent his two replys to my MC and she says not to worry and have a good time. She said that she did not think he would say yes to going since it would be a whole week of us together acting as if everything is OK and that would be too tough and we would end up in huge R talk with no place to go and our S there. So maybe it is good that he is not going however what will I come home to????
Well he did not show up or call this whole weekend. This is the 5th weekend in a row that he has not called or seen our S at all. I was home for most of the weekend too. I decided it was not worth him being upset with me and our S is really missing his Daddy right now. He is starting to get very confusd by all of this. He was at the house all day Friday when we were not here and left a note saying he paid bills and would give me my money on Monday so right there I should have known he would not be popping in but for the life of me I can not figure out what he is doing. Not physically but mentally. I know I should not be trying to figure it all out but it is so hard for me.
Do you think he is going to deliver the blow when I come home next week? I went over the in-laws on Saturday to deliver some plants she ordered from our S and they did not even know we were still going to Florida. They did not mention the S and neither did I but I do not think they have a clue of what is happening so he is not even talking to them. I am very worried about him. What in the world is he doing? He seems so hurt still and confused and it is killing me that I can not help him.
We have been S for 6 weeks now and I know that is not long but it feels like forever to me. How do you do it when it is months and months and months? What about the holidays? I think I am just having a down day since we are leaving tomorrow but I have been having all of these painful thoughts all weekend and thinking that he is just not telling me yet. How do you deal with the down days? What can I do to get myself out of this?
Well I am off to finish packing and will be back on later to see if there are any responses on what I should do my last day home. I know that once I hit Florida though I am going to try to forget about all of this and just have a great time with my S. We have the whole trip planned out and he is so excited. This is going to be one of the greatest weeks of my life.
Lissie is your H harboring some deep anger and resentment towards you? And he is in a way punishing you, by avoiding you? But, in return he is punishing your S also, by avoiding you.
“Do you want to be RIGHT or want to be LOVED” “You have to have a life to share a life with someone” “When you stop resisting, you start learning”
Oh, I was thinking about this today and I still couldn't figure out why your H would avoid your S. But Nugget's suggestion makes sense. Course, the quetion becomes how big of a jerk are you when you start hurting the kids to get to the spouse if that's in fact what's going on?
Anyway, FL sounds like fun and I'm impressed that you think you will be able to go and put this behind you for the trip. That seems like the right thing to do, both for you and for your S. Have a great time.
Well I am back. It was the best trip I have ever had. I thought about H but only temporarily since S had us so busy and we were having so much fun. I really enjoyed this past week with it just being the two of us. And when we first got there he looks at me and says "Mommy we are amazing". He said that the whole week everytime we found where we were trying to get (got lost a couple of times) and when we found our way back. He is such a great kid. I was surprised how much I was able to not think about any of it until the night before we came back. So here is the latest on the situation because you know as soon as I landed yesterday I was right back where I had left off.
So Monday night he came over to see our S finally and gave me the rest of the money he owed me for the past week. He was aggitated I could tell and wanted to know why I was going alone. "Hello you were suppose to go with us" I felt like saying and did not. I just said who would I have gotten to go with us. And I left it at that. He was nice but I could tell he did not want us to go and was worried but he made his choice. Anyway he left after an hour and said he would call me (obviously since I have no number for you).
So we got to Florida on Tuesday and he left a message on my cell that morning but I was on the plane so my phone was off. I sent a message to him at work via my phone. He called at 11:10 pm that night (he works third shift so he was up and at work) and then again at 6:30 am and I was sleeping both times and never heard my phone in the other room. Anyway he said how worried he was etc etc so I stayed up Wednesday night to call him. We talked for about 15 minutes about the day our S and I had at the Animal Kingdom and he was grateful that I stayed up so he would not be worried. I asked him how come he did not call the house number since I had sent him all the information on our house, along with the realtor info and the flight info. He said he did not want to call and have to get connected especially since he did not know the room number since I had left that off. I told him like I had every other time he has asked I did not cancel the house and then book a hotel. I was in the same house that the two of us had booked together in May. That was the end of that. I think that he thought I cancelled the trip and then re-did it all since he had not come home yet. Just my thinking though. Anyway he asked if he could call in the morning to talk to our S so I said to call about 7:30 he should be up by then but we would be leaving for the day around 8:30 and would not be back until that night. So he said he would call and he did not. I am just glad I did not tell our S he was suppose to call.
So he did not call until Sunday night. We were in the pool and our S would not get out to talk to him so I put H on speakerphone to talk. Our S told him all about our trip etc and I did too. We talked for about 20 minutes. At the end he told S that he loved him and missed him then he goes "I will see you on Tuesday Hon" to me. Well I think I am imagining things until our S goes "Why does Daddy think you are the son" so he heard it too. I let it go then but now it is all I think about.
So now to last night we are home and H comes to visit. He is very nice etc. We give him his T-shirt that we got him and he looks at me and says "Thanx Hon" so there it is again. He has not said anything like that to me in over 7 weeks. Could it just be a slip? But why after all this time.
So my parents were over as well last night and my Mom said he was just staring at me with this look of wonder like he was trying to figure me out our something. What could that mean?
Also our S ended up leaving with my parents so we were all alone for 20 minutes before he left. I thought he would leave right after but he did not. We sat and chatted and it was awkward and I think he wanted to talk but I did not bring up anything at all. I just chit chatted away. I promised not to bring things up so it is all up to him. I am so proud of myself for that.
Sorry this is so long and for all the questions but it has been over a week and now that I am back that is all I am thinking about. Any ideas on the following:
Why is he suddenly calling me "Hon" again? Why was he looking at me that way? Do you think he wants to talk and just got scared? Could he think I have moved on?
