Softball game went great. I was 2 for 3 with 2 rbi's and a run scored. I am however feeling it this morning. Very very sore now....... I am not a spring chicken anymore that's for sure.
Jack, I would love for it not to be acting. I am however struggling with that right now with her. I question her motives constantly and wonder about her behavior all the time.
Last night while I was playing ball she called me 2 times, I didnt answer. She called my D14 and my D19. She even called my brother and asked him if he knew where I was. So here is the weird part. I gave my D14 my phone to old while I played ball. W then calls D14, asks where she is and if she is with D19, then lies to D14 and tells her that I called her and asked her to check up on D14. WEIRD....
Why would she lie to D14 instead of just saying to her that she was worried, she had to lie. D14 was kind of pissed as she had my phone and knew that I hadnt called W to have her check on her....... More strange behaviors......
I am playing again on Wednesday night. I sent W an email asking her to please bring S10 out to see me play or let me pick him up and bring him. I hope she will let me bring him. And yes, I did tell her it was important to me.
I've been reading your posts...just a general question if I may be so nosy...is D19 your's and your wife's ? Or were you married before ? Just curious I guess....
Love Cinders xxx
"In the depths of my winter, I realized there is within me an invincible summer" Albert Camus
I question her motives constantly and wonder about her behavior all the time.
Can you tell me why? Her motives don't matter anymore. Her behavior is her own problem. By questioning them, you lend them legitimacy, increasing the struggle.
You can't change the person she's chosen to be and you won't understand it, so you're asking questions that have no answers. Sounds like a sure way to end up with brick prints on your forehead. By continuing to question these things instead of telling yourself, "she's going to do her thing and it's going to be nutty", you're EXPECTING to be able to answer. You're EXPECTING to see a resolution. If ever one comes, it's a long way off. You know that. You also know one may never come.
I'd say every time you want to ask or ponder those questions, instead of "why?", ask yourslef, "what?" What can you do more productively for yourself. What can you do for your kids that has nothing to do with her craziness? You know the drill.
Stay strong buddy.
I agree with HS. Don't worry about her why's anymore.
Me 45 WAW 46 Married 23yrs D22 S18 D12 W moved out 1/12/07 Divorce Final 2/06/08
I've been reading your posts...just a general question if I may be so nosy...is D19 your's and your wife's ? Or were you married before ? Just curious I guess....
Cinders, no I wasn't married before. I was much worse, in a fraternity at ASU... no need to say more, but I am truly grateful that my D19 is what resulted from frivilous sexual activity......
Ok guys maybe I phrased that wrong. I don't really care what her motives are, but I do care whether they are honest or not because I do not have time for dishonesty from her. I also think I question her because we are in the middle of this divorce.
Ian, You don't call, you don't write so I am forced to post.......
You can't expect honesty from this woman. If she can't be honest with herself how do you expect her to be honest with you? Her motives are selfish and therefore she will twist reality so it suits her indulgent pursuits. You will never be able to make reason where unreason rules. Stop trying.
I miss you terribly.........
Me-40 H-35 Married for 10 years No Kids but dogs and cats Still Living Together Sleeping Apart
Man that sucks Ian, I was looking forward to another drink.
Forget about what she does. Try not to let it bother you. I know it's hard. Trust me. Remember? Just smile, push it aside and move on. Try to focus on the number of times she tells the truth or is honest. They may be hard to find, or you could be surprised.
4 for 5 last night.... 3 runs scored and 2 rbi's.....
So I have been invited to permanently join this team for the remainder of this season and they want to play next season as well. Now if I can just get my body to agree....Yes, I am sore as hell....
As far as the W goes, I am not giving much thought to it anymore. I have decided to not pay attention to the oddities in her behavior anymore as it serves no purpose. I do not want to let it get to me, so I choose to simply not worry about it.
I appreciate all the comments, I guess at some point it becomes more about people affirming what you are thinking rather than needing people to help you decide.
Well, 3:45 in the morning and I am awake. Why, I am not sure, but I believe it is because of the parent teacher conference for my D14 last night.
D14 is not focused at school, she is struggling with being engaged at school and her teachers say she lacks focus. I sat in the conference and watched as my W didn't say hardly two words I engaged D14's teachers throughout the conference, tried to talk about solutions to the problems and how to give D14 the direction she needs and the encouragement that she needs to get to where she is more focused.
I think that I truly realized that I am alone in this right now and to be perfectly honest that scares the living crap out of me. My confidence as a parent may not be strong enough right now. Yes, I try and do what is best for my kids, but for gods sake I feel so terribly alone in this right now.
I think my biggest fears are that I will fail my D14 and not give her what she needs to perform and be all that she can be. It is so damn hard to know what the right things to do are. To know when to discipline her and how to get her focused. It just seems like a constant struggle trying to keep her on track and the input that I get from her mother is simply non existent.
I don't want to sound trite, but reality is that I never ever planned on being a single parent. This is not what I signed up for, and I believe that the reason I get hung up on that is my fear of failing my children.
I had one of those moments last night where all I could think was why is this happening to me. I hate when I feel that way as it simply makes me feel guilty for being selfish. I know it is not all about Ian so when I think this way I just beat myself up.
I hate that I can be so mad at Carrie, but yet miss her so damn badly when it comes to raising our kids. We were not meant to do this alone. They say it takes a community to raise a child, I would say it takes at least more than one person.
Ughhhh, I absolutely hate that this one snuck up on me so bad. Someone needs to make a pill for times like this that makes us stop thinking and refocus on our own happiness. That would be good......
Anyway, sorry to dump, just having a bad night/morning and struggling a bit with the parenting aspect of all of this. It will pass, I know this, but today, for now, it just hurts.
I engaged D14's teachers throughout the conference, tried to talk about solutions to the problems and how to give D14 the direction she needs and the encouragement that she needs to get to where she is more focused.