I think you just recently posted on my question "Divorced But Still Hoping for a Miracle". As far as the lawyer goes, I wouldn't get one on retainer. My experience is these people are out to make as much money and stir up as much animosity as possible. I had an attorney on retainer and got rid of him. I had only put $1000 down on the retainer and got it all back.
My ex paid a $3000 retainer and I'm sure her total bill was close to $10,000. Her lawyer didn't do anything but schedule meetings and write a lot of letters. She charged $175 per hour. She would drive up to the courthouse, always 20 minutes early and the whole time, she was on the clock. I couldn't believe this. No other profession could get away with charging a full rate for travel time.
The advice I got from several men who had been through the process was to represent myself. Get to know the divorce laws of your state. "No one can represent you like yourself". This turned out to be very true.
During our divorce hearing, my ex's attorney made this statement to my wife: "You do realize that divorce is all about compromise" (Time to move on to the next victim, I thought to myself). She was constantly telling me that she represented my wife's interests. That confirmed what I thought - that she is just in it to make as much money as possible. This case was over.
Hope this helps. Unless you have a lot of money or personally know an ethical divorce lawyer, I would do most of the work yourself. I did run some of the documentation by a good divorce lawyer that I found later. He charged me by the hour and was very sharp. My final legal bill was less than $300. Giving them a retainer is like giving your kids a basket of candy and telling them not to eat it all right away. It doesn't work very well.
Also, if at all possible, try to convince your spouse to go through mediation. We used this for our parenting agreement. It was excellent. They are solution oriented.
I wish this website would start a section devoted exclusively to divorce lawyers and the divorce laws. I have done a lot of research and after the carnage of divorce is over and everyone is basically penniless - the only option is to declare bankruptcy, which brings on a whole host of new problems. The emotional scars on the children because of all the conflict will be there forever.
