Get me on a smoother ride....need advice - part 3

[SueS]

Good morning-

H got home around midnight last night. I thought I heard him come home, but fell back asleep.

I did something this morning that I knew I shouldn't have done. I looked at H's phone. No calls in/out to anyone after late yesterday afternoon. However, OW's contact information is in there and he's added a new ring tone for her. BARF!! I seriously wanted to just delete the whole contact.

H was pretty snuggly this morning. He wasn't pushing for intimacy, but snuggling.

I heard H get up and move around and then go back to bed. I asked him why we weren't able to get in touch with him at all yesterday. He said he'd forgotten his phone in his car. I told him that we'd called a couple of times yesterday and that D3 was upset that he didn't call. I told him that I knew he wouldn't be home, but at the least I wished he'd called her. He apologized. I was angry this morning and still am, but I'm also trying to keep positive today. Hard to do, but I'm trying.

When I went back into the bedroom to get ready, I sat down on the bed. H rolled toward me awake and started rubbing my back. I think H noticed that I wasn't myself and maybe heard me crying in the bathroom. I know I should have just gotten up and gotten ready, but I didn't. I missed him. I laid down and he put his arm around me. He kept rubbing my arm & leg. I asked him what had him all wound up this morning. He asked me what kind of a question was that. I said....it's just that you're never awake at this time of the morning. He said...I missed you. I looked at him and he had a smirk on his face. I said.....don't say that again until you really mean it. We just laid there with him rubbing my arm and leg. I said....you know I have to get up and go to work. He said....yeah, this is just the teasing part. I asked if he intended to finish later. He smiled and said he would. I got up, got dressed, gave him a kiss & left.

D3 was still passed out when I left. Sleepy little girl!

I accepted H's affection this morning, but I'm still angry. I'm trying to find something positive to look for. Anything.

Why is H moving toward being more loving to me, yet uploading a new ring tone for OW. I want that affection, but I'd do anythng to get OW out of our lives. There's that little voice in my head that pops up from time to time and says......Just hang in there, be positive, make some changes and he'll come around. But then there's that voice that came out last night that's so damned angry that I can hardly stand it.

Need to get to work. Have a good day.

SueS