Is the point though that you don't KNOW if she is happy. Don't you want to be positive and hope that working on your M will make all of you happy husband? Looking at it from a woman's point of view I do think Mark has made a good suggestion.
How are you today? How do you feel about going back to work? How are you feeling about the letter and M sitch?
Saffie
Saffie me 46 H 46 M in 1986 D20,D18,S16,D13 H's A 01/05 to 07/06 H recommitted to M 07/06 renewed vows 09/06 Going from strength to strength
I am at work. It's ok. going through my E-mail (580). I will look at the letter one more time. I can't make her happy. SHe needs to be the one to do that. I can try to help. I have to wait until I get home becase the final copy is on my lap top.
Husband
And if I claim to be a wise man, well It surely means that I don't know
I know what you are saying...We are in very similar situations. My wife does not want me to make her happy. She knows I can do it. She is afraid to let me try...
In her mind, it's much, much easier to drag us all through the lengthy process of destrying our family than it is to work at the marriage and open herself up to the opportunity for me to make her happy.
You are absolutely right that she needs to be the one to do that BUT you will be a big part of it. I'm not saying that you aren't already a big part of it but she probably needs to HEAR that you will have her happiness in your mind as well as your own and the family's.
580 emails - urgh
Saffie
Saffie me 46 H 46 M in 1986 D20,D18,S16,D13 H's A 01/05 to 07/06 H recommitted to M 07/06 renewed vows 09/06 Going from strength to strength
I don't think you really understand without being here. It was a really good day yesterday. She seems happy. I really think she likes this room mate thing. It keeps up the appearance that WE are happy, and it hides what she did from our friends and family.
And if I claim to be a wise man, well It surely means that I don't know
You are absolutely right that she needs to be the one to do that BUT you will be a big part of it. I'm not saying that you aren't already a big part of it but she probably needs to HEAR that you will have her happiness in your mind as well as your own and the family's.
580 emails - urgh
Saffie
I will look one more time when I get home.
And if I claim to be a wise man, well It surely means that I don't know
You are right - without being there we don't understand. I just know what things were like in my M before things changed - we both assumed that we knew what the other wanted or made them happy and we were really off base. We both wanted each other but didn't know how to sort it. WE both thought the other didn't want us!!!! Communication and more communication was needed - just so hard to do!!!!!
I like Yoyo's suggestion of a sentence. Saffie
Saffie me 46 H 46 M in 1986 D20,D18,S16,D13 H's A 01/05 to 07/06 H recommitted to M 07/06 renewed vows 09/06 Going from strength to strength
