Every situation is unique. Only you can make the choice that's right for you. Personally I would do what I could to acquire guardianship of my children. Your wife's version of reality is not shared with the majority of society and could be detrimental to you kids development.
Your wife's an adult and doesn't need a chaperone. Your daughter, however, doesn't need that person as a role model. Do you want her future relationships to be modelled after what her birth mother has done?
There are different opinions about who should file and when but in your case this has gone on a long time. You've said that you've tried to establish a connection and it's been turned down.
Here's the question: Your son comes to you. He tells you your own story but with him as the husband. What would your advice be to him?
