Monogomous marriage is what you signed up for. Since you're not interested in sharing I don't see why you have to defend your position. It's the standard position. She has no respect for you. Anything you do at this point that doesn't meet your own needs will probably be lost.
It's not smart to think that two people living totally separate lives can live in the same house and say "We're married". What happens when, after the divorce, you want to bring your new girlfriend to meet the kids.
Nope, she's cake eating. Wants your money and her toyboy. Let her pay for the toyboy if she wants but you focus on the kids. The kids are hurt by her actions, not yours. Keep in mind that you are for family, she's not. Her values don't include protection of the family unit or she never would have started sleeping around in the first place.
"Mommy doesn't love Daddy anymore." is about all the kids need to know. Yes, there will be pain and mental suffering but you are NOT the cause. You are trying to find the best solution for your family and since your wife doesn't want to work on it with you SHE is the one breaking the family unit up.
Protecty yourself against false accusations, protect your children from your wife's attempt to lie (yes, she will. She doesn't want to be the "bad guy"), and protect your finances.
IF, after you start the process and you don't persue her and GAL and she comes back, all the better. Don't bet on it though. It looks like she's been living in her fantasy world too long to admint it's wrong. Just think about all the lying she's had to do to you and the kids to get her selfish needs met. That should be enough to put a rod into your backbone and protect the kids. That is NOT behaviour they need to emulate.
I'm glad you finally had the talk. Don't let her cake eat. You've done a good job ignoring her wh**ing around but now it's time to step up and be that role model that your children need.
Good luck, Luke! Focus on your kids and then your job...let her worry about her.
