I'm speaking from the position of someone that has been divorced (the first time) for maybe 10 years now (see I don't even remember the year). In reading your posts I don't really think the rope has dropped. I interact with my ex on a regular basis and it never enters my mind whether she's trying to bait me or what her actions mean (so I also disagree that there is always a place in your heart for the XW...there isn't in mine). That says to me that your still in the process of trying to determine if her actions have something to do with you. Actually, it seems stronger than that...you assume it has something to do with you. That says to me that you are still attached. I wonder in addition to what oldtimer said if you can't really fully commit to your gf because part of you still wonders about a future with ex and anything too deep with her would ruin your chances with the ex. Think that's true? It's been 4 year since you first came to this site. Don't you think she would have made some attempt at reconciliation by now if she was going to? _________________________ In the end, it's not the years in your life that count. It's the life in your years. Abraham Lincoln
It is hard to fail, but it is worse never to have tried to succeed. Theodore Roosevelt
OK JM, let me navigate your post and see what we have here.
Yes, I changed my name and I did it so that I could protect my privacy. I come here to clear my mind, read advice and learn how to move on in my life.
About committing to GF, there are many things and reasons why I do not want to delve into a deeper R with GF. Some of them you and OT hit on the head, but then again there are other issues too, some mine and some hers. Sure, there are many things crossing my mind and that is why I am here to sort them out.
NOW, I do have many reasons to beleive that X wants to be in my life and makes movements in that direction. She has stated since day one that if our financial sitch would change than things would be different. She also has mentioned the talk about R a hand full of times, she has lead this conversation, not me.
Every Xmas, she drops off the girls, invites herself in at my parent's home. The girls come rushing in to their presents, what am I going to do? Be the [censored] in front of my kids and say no? I simply take the girls in and we all have Xmas morning at my parents. After usually an hour, with the girls rushing up to X to show gifts and approval, she announces she is leaving. She kisses the girls, hugs and kisses my parents and then asks me to walk her out. She always and I mean every year, she hugs me, tells me she loves me and gives me a kiss on my lips. I'm talking about a lip lock JM.
I know she still has feelings for me, I can see it in her eyes. Everytime I see her, at soccer games, parent/teacher meetings, I see in her eyes what I saw day one. I think that there is a real reason as to her not stepping forward.
Am I attached? I'll always have a little place in my heart for the mother of my kids, my W of one time. For as many reasons I can think of why I should't be with her, there are many why I should be with her. In my sitch, I'm dealing with someone that is going through a disease of addiction and also MS.
I've always said that if X got help, then I owe it us (as a family) to keep options open. I haven't asked X about her therapy because usually it gets me nowhere. When she was diagnosed, she was in full denial of her addiction and her MS. I spoke with her doctor who said that she is not seeking treatment of MS. He told me "You have to be there for her, she is sick and she isn't doing anything about it." Do you understand how that left me 4 years ago? I feel as if I have to lead my life but I should keep a part of it open to the past.
I can tell you that friends and family have noticed, as I that X looks healthy. She looked sick and pale for years, maybe she finally is taking care of herself and getting treatment. I don't know but I would like to talk to X and find out how here ways have changed over the last year.
I have not tipped my cards to X. If she really wants to come into my life,she'll have to come loud and clear.
There are some things I still have to share with everyone and I'll do so in tomorrow's post.
I believe that dreams are more powerful than facts,that laughter is the only cure for grief. And I believe that love is stronger than death
