Mixed signals - catfan's continual saga part???

[Dom R]

So what you're saying is that she wants someone to be her daddy and let her play house, and demand nothing back from her.

As opposed to someone being her HUSBAND, which actually requires some responsability back, and being an adult herself.

wow.
pretty childish, for a 39-year old.


All that being said... I would suggest not pushing her for a commitment :-/ The pressure would probably only make things worse between you.

[Dom R]

PS: side comment, that is probably going to be depressing, but I hope will give you a goal to shoot for:

Given what she said about wanting security and support...
perhaps your #1 priority should be in getting a stable job.

No more "start ups". Maybe even take a "pay cut", in favor of job security.


The added security from that, might make her more favourably inclined towards you, perhaps.
Whereas I cant imagine she would want to make any kind of commitment to you, while you are out of a job

[catfan]

Dom already on the stable job search and have been. I need it as much for myself as my family. Sure there's a lot of excitement with startups, shoot I even have a pretty solid business plan on a good software startup. But at this point in my life I need the security of a much more stable job environment.

[Dom R]

yeah.
startups can be fun. my first job was with one.

but when my wife and I first had kids.. I said good bye to that sort of thing.
(heck, before that really. but having children, really made me "risk-averse")

[catfan]

Not much to update on but an interesting thing has started to happen as my wife and I start to have more productive and positive chats. She's now regularly asking me about my job search. But not in a manner like she's worried or has a selfish interest but more as a friend who's interested and wants to provide strong support. I say this because of her tone and body language. She's also opening up a bit more and talking about her feelings and such while also just generally a good bit more chatty.

So some nice little positives there.

[Dom R]

that IS nice i'm happy for ya

[FLTC]

Hey CF,

Good news. Stay neutral, though. I've seen too many times when there were small flickers and you had expectations that got dashed. I know, because I'm the same way. Starting an email to me with ANY greeting is a big deal. I actually got one that started with "Hi" a couple weeks ago, and my mood elevated, only to be shattered when the next email arrived with Subject, verb, direct object.......Roger, out! Remember the old principal of "No Expectations", as COG always cautions me. Just remember the basics. Work on YOU. I know, stale advice, but stay with the basics. Any way you look at it, a good job will be a huge boost to you Any job prospects?

Had lunch with a guy here today who just got back from emergency leave. You guessed it....email from home. W. wants a D. Feels as though he's not focused on her. (in between the 57mm rockets that impact here!) The devastation these things cause is just unbelievable. (not the rockets, but Divorce..the rockets are pretty damaging too:-) )

Anyway. CF, I see you posting less often, which is a good sign, no matter what. It means that you're becoming more self assured. I write as much for escape as advice, but I do love you guys like family.

Take care,

FLTC

[catfan]

Stay neutral. Now there's something that is easier said then done. Staying neutral is not something I have historically done well. Sorry I'm not Swiss. LOL!

What seems like the right thing to do is be friendly and continue to promote the friendship. Acting "as if" that is as if we are friends and as if the troubles aren't really there. But that seems fly in the face of DBing principles. What's strange is if I do it a little but not over the top she seems to respond, especially when I am very happy and positive.

So right now I am about as lost as I have ever been as what to do.

Now some slightly good news and not to make cookies out of crumbs here but she is reading The 5 Love Languages book right now. So I take that as a signal that she is trying to learn more about herself and how to better manage her relationships, hopefully ours. She did say to me the other night after I told her all I have ever wanted to do was speak her language and that I felt lost about it for the last 3 years. Also that after reading that book I was surprised by what I found out about myself and it's clear that through 2005 and early 06 she was doing a great job of speaking my language and I was flunking at speaking hers. I told her that all during that time I was desperately trying to speak hers and it truly hurts I was failing at it. I told her all I would like to do right now is speak hers. Her response, "that would be nice."

So glimmers ever so slight. Hopefully we can both build off of this.

[Dom R]

Hey there catfan :-)

What's strange is if I do it a little but not over the top she seems to respond, especially when I am very happy and positive.

not strange at all... I think you're blindly teetering back and forth over where she draws the line between "friend", and "needy person"

I told her that all during that time I was desperately trying to speak hers and it truly hurts I was failing at it. I told her all I would like to do right now is speak hers. Her response, "that would be nice."

Oooo... that seems a bit "over the line" to me (grovelling, AND R talk), but seems like she tolerated it. lucky you

The big thing would be if she chooses to accurately tell you what her love languages are.
I'd say, hold tight, and wait-and-see

[catfan]

Just a little journaling this morning...

I'm constantly amazed at how God speaks to us. I have always said we only need to open our "ears" to hear what He has to say to us. If you really stop and open up your "ears" you realize His messages are all around. We've just failed to listen in the right way.

So what do I mean by all of this? Well recently I've really struggled with having faith in the entire situation. Strange because there are a some some good signs and only a few negative signs. It can go either way and a lot depends on me. Specifically me having faith in the right thing and not acting out on immediate emotion but stepping back and acting rationally and with faith.

I have always struggled like many people with faith. It's hard to just throw it all to faith, very, very hard. So I often ask for signs which is another way of not having full faith. Well God spoke to me last night and the message was loud and clear, have faith in Him. I sat down to prepare for my Sunday School lesson. I help teach high school and haven't been there the last several weeks. As I began to look at the materials the lesson was about seeking out signs and putting faith into good luck charms. Recently I have been asking God for a lot of signs. Well He's giving me a full tilt lesson in faith right now!! And He's given me signs too that I have failed to see.

So my prayer today is of thanks, thanks for Him having faith in me even when my faith in His has faltered.