new here and really worried

[littlebitlost]

Gone Dancing...sorry the book is called 'It only takes one to get the ball rolling. My mistake.

I wanted to post this as On Listening and this is in relation to dealing with your partner........it seems to be a very common cmoplaint with couples.

(By Ralph Roughton)


When I ask you to listen to me and you start by giving advice, you have not done what I asked.

When I ask you to listen to me and you begin to tell me why I shouldn't feel that way, you are trampling on my feelings.

When I ask you to listen to me and you feel you have to do something to solve my problem, you have failed me, strange as it may seem.

Listen! All I ask is that you listen, not talk or do...just hear me.

When you do something for me that I can and need to do for myself, you contribute to my fear and inadequacy.

And I can do for myself. I'm not helpless. Maybe discouraged and faltering, but not helpless.

But when you accept as simple fact that I do feel what I feel, no matter how irrational, then I can quit trying to convince you and get about the business of understaning what's behind this irrational feeling. And when that's clear, the answers are obvious and I don't need advice.

Irrational feelings make sense when we understand what's behind them.

Perhaps that's why prayer works, sometimes, for some people...because God is mute, and He doesn't give advice or try to fix things. God just listens and lets you work it out yourself.

So, please listen and just hear me. And if you want to talk, wait a minute for your turn, and I'll listen to you.

Listening, real listening is what most people fail to do...listening is done not only with the ears but with all of our being. It is compasion and a tolerance that another may say something you dont want to hear......real listening is a gift and a duty in love that you give to another that tells them they are cherished and of worth.