I don't think I can improve on the "how to" beyond what nep says accept to say it takes a lot of patients and perseverance. I agree that detaching is not the same as giving up and I think that sometimes that view of it discourages some on here from doing it. They think they somehow give up their control of how the situation will develop when all along they had no control to begin with. Detaching is not so much a strategy for winning them back as it is a tool for you to better deal with your own emotions. I know that anxiety eats you up inside. You can't be happy or in control in your life when all you do is think about where they are, what are they doing, what are they thinking, will we ever get back together, what did they mean when they said that to me, what will happen tomorrow, the next day, the day after that, etc. Leave tomorrow for tomorrow and don't get involved in their drama or confusion.
Donna, as far as it being something that comes with time or something we can control, I would say it's both. I'm sure you have heard the phrase "fake it until you make it" on here many times. In simple terms it's telling yourself you'll be fine either way when your actually feeling your world crashing around you. Your in essence playing mind games on yourself. Our WAS are naturals at it, but it takes more practice for us sane ones to master it.
I really feel compassion for somebody going through this because I've been there. It sucks the energy out of you and suffocates the enjoyment in life that you deserve. I wasted a whole year in this state of mind. I felt a fantastic rebirth when I learned to finally "let go". It is a learning process. I hope everyone learns to do this, we have kids that are counting on our emotional well being.
Tom
"It is curious that physical courage should be so common in the world and moral courage so rare." -Mark Twain
