new here and really worried

[littlebitlost]

I sense through your posts that you still do need him. It may not be quite as bad as it was, but I agree with FG that your

neediness comes across in your posts. We all go through it, I think, so it is perfectly normal to feel that way. However, take steps to stop feeling that way. "Fake it 'til you make it" is a cliche saying around here, but it is an absolutely useful strategy, esp in getting from "needing" to "wanting". Keep "acting as if" you don't need him until you get to the point where you actually don't. Easier said than done, but do what you can to weather the storm and get to a point where you're perfectly comfortable and content with OR without him.

Ah much like the 'act as if until you become' is the ohter one. I wish you could have heard how desperate I was before...(the other board saw that)

It is not him that I need. I miss my family. Kissing and tucking my kids in everynite! Christmas mornings all that crap.

I will say that I did invite him to Thanksgiving with my fam. He thought about it and finally said yes. THIS will be a big opportunity for my to 'shine' and also for my family. Especially my dad (who is very protective and thinks I should just get a divorce and be done with it) You know there has NEVER been a divorce in my family EVER. My family, esp my mom love him very much and they have known him for more than half his life. I need them to come through as well.