Your situation seems very similar to mine. My ex and I separated last year (Aug '06). She filed for the D on November 21st, '06. I hoped and prayed that we could get things worked out, but it was like the whole thing was on autopilot. She went to one counseling session with me and then went on her own. I also went on my own. The counseling was very good and very expensive. Over and over, I kept hearing about the letting go. It is definitely easier said than done.
My ex wasn't doing anything until her lawyer got things going. The lawyers are another whole topic. I had one, got rid of him and represented myself. Ex probably got billed about $10K and her attorney didn't do anything but schedule meetings and generate letters and phone calls. I would definitely recommend mediation if it gets to that point.
We had moments where I thought things were going to work themselves out. Every time the process moved forward, she seemed to get angrier with me. Not sure what the rational is here. She made some really wild accusations in the divorce hearing, I think just to make herself feel better about what she was doing. Also, very toxic relationship between myself and her parents. This never helped. She would vent to them and, of course, got only her version of the situation.
Anyway, our D was final the end of August. She has been seeing another man, which I just found out about a few days ago. I don't see how anyone could date while all this stuff is going on. I can understand everything now except for that. This was absolutely devastating to me.
Only advice I can offer is that your wife has probably made up her mind. Prepare yourself. I got a lot of support from friends and got involved in a church. Never read the Bible until this happened. I found the Biblical view of relationships to be very helpful. Wish I would have known earlier.
Right now my ex and I are barely speaking. I hope to change this eventually. Need to get my emotions under control. This has been the biggest challenge. We have three young girls, which makes communication pretty important. I think I probably backtracked about 8 months during the time up to and around our court date because of all the fighting. Now just have to be really patient. She is worth waiting for.
