I woke up at 5am because I had a horrible nightmare. I'm guessing what caused it was the fact that H was supposed to take D11 over to his parent's house, where he usually ends up spending the night because he drinks when he's there. So I went to bed uneasy about that, once again.
I dreamed that I was at his parents house, SEEING my daughter (as if SHE lived there like his other daughter has since she was 5 years old). It was evening and I was going to read with her (something we used to do together). I was in a chair and I leaned over to help her put on these big, fuzzy, pink slippers and when I looked up, it wasn't my daughter anymore. It was his mother and she grabbed me by the arm and started to make me leave. Next thing in my dream, SHE (h's mother) was sitting in the chair and after I got my daughter settled onto the couch with the book, I turned to her, took a step towards her, stepped on something that made me stumble but then I recovered to stand in front of her in her chair and I pointed my finger at her and said "Don't you ever, EVER try to come between me and my daughter again". I woke up pointing my finger.
The dream rattled me.
When SD17's mother was still alive, Jeff's mother made it VERY hard for her to see her daughter. Of the whole family, I was the only one that advocated for her to be given a second chance after she got off drugs, remarried and had a settled, good life. Jeff's parent's (let me rephrase that - Jeff's MOTHER) never did welcome Gina, congratulate her or encourage the relationship between daughter and mother. Gina had a very hard time and she never got her daughter back. Then, about 4 years ago, she died. Over the years, Gina and I had gotten pretty close. I ran all the interference. It was me she called when there was an issue with her daughter, or with Jeff. Jeff never dealt with her. Similarly, I have a constant battle to get him to deal with me regarding issues concerning D11. I have to be like a bulldog, because there is no one to advocate for me like I did for Gina. But in seeing what I saw all those years, I obviously have a deep fear instilled in me that that family is going to take my daughter, too. Hence, the dream.
I came so close to calling Jeff at 5am this morning to see if they were home. But I did not. I called a little while ago and I'm going over to see D11 later.
Interestingly, also in the dream there was a man I understood to be D11's father but it was not Jeff. It was a very old boyfriend from when I was about 15. And he had a "new girlfriend", the girl that that boy "cheated" on me with in real life, Edie. That part I don't get, except that in order to convey the feeling that part of the dream conveyed, I had to be able to relate and I can't relate to Jeff with another woman because there hasn't been one. I'm really not sure though. That part was weird. But I very definitely stood alone against my mother-in-law.
Sorry bout the dream Amy! Those kind are the worse.....the ones that have all your nightmares rolled up into one chaotic ball.
Don't stay freaked for too long....I see it as a postive dream . Stand your ground. You already are ahead by knowing how things went down in the past right? This was just a little reminder to stay firm in your decisions and beliefs!!
{{{Hugs}}}
Jeanette
Change the Policy. Allow PM's Free all of us.
Also some new and improved emoticons would be nice!
