I don't think she is cooling to him. Got him birthday presents and keeps on "needing" him for stuff. Trust me, this woman will NEVER willfully let go of my H. If anything, she is getting impatient since she is now divorced and can date anyone. Why stay with a married man unless he is going to leave his wife?
H's been saying that it's messed up for months now so I really don't get it. Maybe he just means it's messed up for them to be so "in love" while he's still married. Who knows...
H: I know. I can't do this either. I can't go without love and affection and my biggest problem is that it took this situation to make you change. I know you will go back to being who you were before and complacent about giving me attention. M: You always want to blame me but it takes two to get to this place and I'm not going back to that person whether I'm with you or someone else. I'm just not.
Wow, one need only paraphrase this convo very slightly, change H for W, and it would represent a recurring exchange between my W and I. She just cannot get past the fact that I have changed and am making a solemn vow between God and myself to ever revert -- and she she acts perturbed because it took this situation to trigger my change (at least that is the only thing she is willing to attribute my change to.) As such, she refuses to believe that I won't revert back to my "old ways".
She refuses to trust me, when she is the one who has demonstrated (and continues to demonstrate) a glaring lack of trustworthiness.
Same here, H says I have finally panicked and am changing. Instead of being happy I changed, I hear the too little too late talk from H. Plus his biggest fear is that we will both go back to the bad stuff after a year or so.
"She refuses to trust me, when she is the one who has demonstrated (and continues to demonstrate) a glaring lack of trustworthiness."
The most disturbing thing to me is that when H is challenged to make a decision, he is most comfortable with leaving his family to start up a new life with someone who he has built a relationship with that is based on lies and deceit.
When left unchallenged, he prefers to go along as is.. Meanwhile, I'm half way to insanity
i definately agree. I use to think the world of my H and put him on a pedastal. Now sometimes i have no respect for him. It is so sad this happened to my family. m-43 h-49 s-13 m-19 yrs.
lovelyolive i can definately agree about feeling like im going insane sometimes knowing that my H is having this affair.that he would leave his family for her. I just found out fri. that sometime in the past 11 mos. my H gave her a ring. but he moved back in with me fri., after a 5 mos separation. Because Fri. I gave him an ultimatum. The only thing that keeps me sane is staying sane for my son and going to rejoiceministries.com website everyday and praying alot.
Rys - I don't even want to know about any more $$$ H spent on the pathetic ow.. I just found another electronic device my H had hidden. He swears that HE bought it for himself and ow didn't spend her child support $$ on it. I asked why he didn't just tell me (we are on a tight budget but it wasn't THAT big of a deal). He apologized.. Geez.. I'm not the friggin' enemy, I'm his wife! I simply told him that he can always tell me anything. It's almost like he's lived this second life for so long that he just can't stop lying and keeping secrets.
Last night I requested no more R talk. I was too exhausted.
Today - he slides on his wedding ring, tells me ILY very very much, and gives me a big kiss. It is all very surreal for two people about to file for D.
You have been out here in DB land a month before me and I think you are getting close to doing something for YOU! You have been down these cheeseless tunnels for far too long - go back and re-read Theo's LRT plan it's time to piss or get off the pot. You have been MORE than fair to your H - you have gone ABOVE AND BEYOND what most of us have put up with. Start taking YOUR LIFE BACK!!!!
Trust me when you let him go and REALLY start to move on you feel so much better - you finally get to be in control of your life and your emotions. This reality may snap H out of it and by then you may not even want him back!
Please start your new life path TODAY!!! He is no longer worthy of your worries/love/care - you deserve so much more. Take this leap of faith - it will get better. Your fear has paralyzed you - just let it all go...
We are all here rooting for you!!
HB
Me41 H44 * M16 yrs * D13 S10 8/06 H wants a D * 1/07 OW Truth 2/07 Searated * 7/07 H moved home First Thread Surviving Separation Now Piecing
