My D6 is so happy go lucky and empathetic. She is all love and kindness. But, little but, I wonder how she would be different if he were here as a full time dad. I sometimes think we are better off because his depression and anger was so negative and persasive, it became like emotonal oppression. She cries almost daily, (regressing?), and is very sensitive. She is a little nervous and not tough or athletic like me at all. She does not want to see a bunch od aunties corralling around talking about her dad. She knows Daddy has a girlfriend and that it is wrong for him to break into our home now, even though it used to be his home. She knows way too much but she is still all love and kindness.
Me:38 H:39 MLC M:10 R:23 years D6 S3 Bomb: Easter, 2007 "Every day may not be good, but there's something good in every day."
oh god, yes, mk, that is a great line from a great man.
its funny, btw, what you say about your H checking out when you had your S2. not that that is funny, I don't mean that, but I understand, I guess. H and I have even talked about this recently, that when I had the twins, my H started to check out. I can see it now. we see it very differently...I fought for my pregnancy, to carry the twins for as long as possible. I became a research queen, did what I needed to do as much as I could in order to help things along. not easy considering I was on bedrest from 26 weeks on. it was very scary, but I fought, even if it meant occasional disagreements/discussions with my peri (had a high risk ob). H hated that I fought certain things, apparently, even though my dr. didn't. He was cool with most of it, I was educated about my choices, I wasn't stupid about them. but to H, you listen to dr.s, you don't question them (well, except in his own case, a year or so later, when he had his gall bladder issues).
I never really felt that supported by him throughout the pregnancy. I was on bedrest, he took some of the slack, but hey, I was still the one to scrub the bathrooms (he wouldn't) and such. and when they finally just put me in the hospital at 34 weeks and told me I was there for the duration, I was alone and terrfied....and he never really got it.
anyway, I'm not going to go on and on about that time. lets just say I understand.
M-41 H-38 M-10 years, T-14 years Bomb-PA 3/19/07 Separated-6/7/07 Piecing/h back home 5/08 S-6 S-4 D-4
"Courage doesn't always roar. Sometimes courage is that little voice at the end of the day that says, 'I'll try again tomorrow.'"
Journaling: I wondered why I kept getting hit on incessantly at work. It is getting old fast. I wondered if my mom spread rumours about me, that I was single? Maybe it is an initiation for the new girl, but I think it is a joke to get hit on by 20 somethings, a bunch of horn dogs, no substance.
There are still those people who know me as a married woman and eventually ask why my H is not at work, how is he doing, how are the kids, they don't know.
What do you all say when someone randomly asks,"How's H? Haven't seen him lately?"
Me:38 H:39 MLC M:10 R:23 years D6 S3 Bomb: Easter, 2007 "Every day may not be good, but there's something good in every day."
What do you all say when someone randomly asks,"How's H? Haven't seen him lately?"
You smile sweetly or pull a ruefull face and say "Funny that - neither have I" and then you turn away before they know if you are serious or not. Bottom line, they will go ask someone else what is going on.
Saffie
Saffie me 46 H 46 M in 1986 D20,D18,S16,D13 H's A 01/05 to 07/06 H recommitted to M 07/06 renewed vows 09/06 Going from strength to strength
mk, meant to say, that would get old fast. maybe put your rings back on? I don't know. you are working in a tough business. maybe eventually if they are regulars they will get the hint. hmmm...you are such a hottie, though, aren't you?
M-41 H-38 M-10 years, T-14 years Bomb-PA 3/19/07 Separated-6/7/07 Piecing/h back home 5/08 S-6 S-4 D-4
"Courage doesn't always roar. Sometimes courage is that little voice at the end of the day that says, 'I'll try again tomorrow.'"
I think I see a pattern. H was really involved in S2's pregnancy, birth, infancy. He only went to one appt with D's pregnancy, wasn't there to really support me through it. He definitely checked out. My mom always told me, "you have to put your M first,even before the kids." I looked at her like she was crazy, but now I realize she was right. You take care of your M. By doing so, you ensure a family to take care of your kids. Ooops. No, I wasn't taking care of him. I was struggling to take care of S9, S2, my prego self, my job. I did basic things for him-laundry, meals, appointments, etc, but I wasn't giving him the attention he wanted. In fact, I had a resentment because he wasn't supporting me when I needed him. Everything built up from there. Still, no excuse to start an R with someone else and abandon the family.
MK, are you bartending? Bartenders get hit on. I don't know your mom that well, but since there are people who obviously don't know, she's probably not broadcasting your sitch. You probably are just hot beyond belief and make their young hearts thud violently in their chests.
Your H probably got hit on too. Only he obviously enjoyed it and took advantage of the ego boost. It's a bar. One of the primary purposes of going to a bar is to stake out what's available. Add intoxication to it, and you have a hell of an environment.
It doesn't sound like you are enjoying this job. Maybe it isn't a good place for you. On the other hand, if you can brush the hits off and not take them personally, it wouldn't hurt to flirt a little. You'll get bigger tips
Me29 H33 D9 months S2 S9(previous R) Sep 8-19-07 I file 11-5-07 H home (Retro) 2-15-08 "Today is the tomorrow of yesterday." -- S9
LOl. Yes that is a pattern, the child centered family is one of the worst blows to a marriage according to one of the doctors on Marraige Builders. I guess a balance is key to everything.
Yes, my H got hit on which shocked me greatly. He only now has admitted how he declined many girls. What! I had no idea.
My H is no Antonio Banderas! Really Folks, he weighs less than 120 lbs and has a bad temper and is balding with a big nose. I love him, but he looks very bad.
Plus, I saw him today and his capillaries busted in his eyes. My D6 cried when she saw him. What is that about? I thought he got beat up or something. He said he woke up and his eyes were messed up. I am going to Google it now. weird. he looks like Freddie Krueger.
Me:38 H:39 MLC M:10 R:23 years D6 S3 Bomb: Easter, 2007 "Every day may not be good, but there's something good in every day."
My H is a skinny guy too. He's 5' 7" and 128 lbs. He has lots of hair though, but he has aged a lot. I saw him Friday and I thought he looked his age. When he started teaching 3 years ago, people would walk into the class and think he was a student. He looks like crap now.
About your H's eyes. Maybe he was vomitting or crying? Is he a drinker. He could have had a drunken vomit, fell asleep, and woke up like that. Let me know what you find out. You've peeked my interest on that one.
Me29 H33 D9 months S2 S9(previous R) Sep 8-19-07 I file 11-5-07 H home (Retro) 2-15-08 "Today is the tomorrow of yesterday." -- S9
MK, I was thinking about you this AM. I was picturing you in that car laboring. That is such a vulnerable time when you really need support, and you were being screamed at. That's horrible. I'm so sorry. I'm in an H hating mood today. I'm ready to smack yours, and mine, silly. Sometimes I do think we are better off without them. Sorry, that's not very DB. Don't pay attention to me today.
Me29 H33 D9 months S2 S9(previous R) Sep 8-19-07 I file 11-5-07 H home (Retro) 2-15-08 "Today is the tomorrow of yesterday." -- S9
