from what the kids are telling me, sounds like he was cranky and in a bad mood most of the morning. who knows what went on, but sounds like they were getting on his nerves a bit.
and I've had so much pent up frustration/anger about the OW stuff, that I was very much like a pressure cooker (good analogy, that, lwb) going off.
hopefully things will get better again. at least as good as they get now.
just feeling crabby myself. not sure about the coat I bought. not sure I should have passed up a different sale coat I saw. not sure I'll ever be happy with my body again...frustrating when shopping for stuff. 40 is definitely not 20 and while it never really bugged me that much pre-bomb, it does now.
M-41 H-38 M-10 years, T-14 years Bomb-PA 3/19/07 Separated-6/7/07 Piecing/h back home 5/08 S-6 S-4 D-4
"Courage doesn't always roar. Sometimes courage is that little voice at the end of the day that says, 'I'll try again tomorrow.'"
mk, I've been mostly good since finding db about keeping ow out of conversations. rarely do I slip. and we haven't had a blow up like this in a long time. so a bad situation all the way around.
M-41 H-38 M-10 years, T-14 years Bomb-PA 3/19/07 Separated-6/7/07 Piecing/h back home 5/08 S-6 S-4 D-4
"Courage doesn't always roar. Sometimes courage is that little voice at the end of the day that says, 'I'll try again tomorrow.'"
OW is like the big old elephant in the room sometimes, huh? We all know that the OP is not the only problem we have with our spouses, but they sure aren't making things better. I still have the urge to bring it up every single day. Some just to learn more about the relationship, and some just to get a good dig in.
Sorry that you are cranky, that's understandable. Hey, you make 40 look hot!!!
LOL I like the crabby morgan, it makes you sassy. But I do want you to feel better. What's your plans for the week? Entertain me.
Cute new shoes always help. So do pretty painted toes, which I did yesterday. And yes, I hate when H steals my happiness. We do a good job of keeping them away from our happiness, but sometimes it still happens.
no exciting plans for the week. some school stuff with the kids, therapy on tuesday. hopefully no big blowups with H. out with a friend on friday night...we're shopping for some new fall clothes. it sounds like I've been shopping a lot lately, doesn't it? usually my least favorite activity. I'm not a huge shopper, but I do need some new stuff, so I'm on a quest.
tomorrow I flip the calendar to october and there will be our anniversary date staring at me whenever I pass by. but also the db meet date, and some other fun stuff for the month, so keeping it in perspective.
M-41 H-38 M-10 years, T-14 years Bomb-PA 3/19/07 Separated-6/7/07 Piecing/h back home 5/08 S-6 S-4 D-4
"Courage doesn't always roar. Sometimes courage is that little voice at the end of the day that says, 'I'll try again tomorrow.'"
every get a song in your head that you can't get out? I finally downloaded this from itunes the other day because I just had to. something about it that just makes me find my groove a bit.
Day to day Where do you want to be? 'Cos now you're trying to pick a fight With everyone you need
You seem like a soldier Who's lost his composure You're wounded and playing a waiting game In no-man's land no-one's to blame
See the world Find an old fashioned girl And when all's been said and done It's the things that are given, not won Are the things that you earned
Empty handed, surrounded by a senseless scene With nothing of significance Besides a shadow of a dream You sound like an old joke You want out, a bit broke An' askin me time and time again And the answer's still the same
See the world Find an old fashioned girl And when all's been said and done It's the things that are given, not won Are the things that you earned
You've got a chance to put things right So how's it going to be? Lay down your arms now And put us beyond doubt So reach out it's not too far away Don't mess around now, don't delay
See the world...[etc]
M-41 H-38 M-10 years, T-14 years Bomb-PA 3/19/07 Separated-6/7/07 Piecing/h back home 5/08 S-6 S-4 D-4
"Courage doesn't always roar. Sometimes courage is that little voice at the end of the day that says, 'I'll try again tomorrow.'"
I was gone for one day, abd I missed so much! Sorry to hear you are having such a hard couple of days. I don't know. I kind of see things differently. I think these are good signs. Difficult and frustrating, but good in the DB sense.
I'm just remembering when you were playing coy w/ the cell at the amusement park and not being fully available for all his invites. He started pusuing you. Now you are being a little more private and putting his coffee pot away, he's starting up again. In DB, the whole point of being vague and somewhat unavailable is to get them curious about what you are doing thereby getting their thought and focus on you. If he is trying to figure out what you are up to, regardless of tactics, he is not focusing on OW. The "Thank you for your concern" thing was perfect too. He expected you to either cave and start talking or get all emotional again and tell him how much it hurts you to connect with him like that (both give him power). By being "late", you were unavailable for him. He said 12-1, not 12-12:30. It would have been considerate to be there at 12, which, no doubt he is used to you being considerate. You must have been doing something really fun or important to not be there waiting. What do you think he was assuming when he pulled into the driveway?
Last time, he pursued you, you gave him what he wanted, then he backed off. Dust yourself off from today. Then keep DBing. You marriage is NOT over til the D is final. He hasn't even filed, even though the money is now there. When he comes looking for another romp on the bedroom, tease him a little more. Don't give in. Make him really want you.
No more frumpy trolls. Morgan is one hot momma!
The apology is a big plus too.
Me29 H33 D9 months S2 S9(previous R) Sep 8-19-07 I file 11-5-07 H home (Retro) 2-15-08 "Today is the tomorrow of yesterday." -- S9
Your H was grumpy because he didn't get much sleep last night, because he didn't know where you were. (Plus maybe having to actually deal with three little ones without you or his Mommy there to help out.) The fact that you were not there when he got there made him think that you were gone all night.
He got very angry not because you made him 15 minutes late, but because you made him realize how much he still cares about you. Even if in his front brain you are the past, or a backup plan, in his subconscious you are still his wife.
thanks. he did know I was home earlier/not overnight somewhere, btw, because I called the kids this morning to say hi (caller id). neph, you have given me a lot to think about here...will see how things go, but maybe you are right.
interesting point, my3sons, btw, about him being tired from dealing with the 3 little ones w/o mommy to help. I think you might have something there.
there was a subplot to the drama this morning. the kids came home with more new books, and I mentioned to H that they just want to spend time with him, he doesn't have to feel like he has to buy them stuff every single weekend. he said at least he is just getting them books, which is good, but i don't think its good for them to get stuff new every single time they are with him. I pointed out how crazy it used to make him when his mom and grandmother would do the same thing...every time they came to see the kids, they would bring stuff. he understood what I was saying then...stood out to him.
later when he called, he told me S5 was acting like a brat, wasn't satisfied with anything, wasn't happy about anything. I told him straight out that it has nothing to do with what H buys him or doesn't buy him. I told him I'm not trying to make him feel guilty, but this is all really hard on S5, and he's acting out a bit. H said there is nothing I could say that would make him feel more guilt than he already does. I re-iterated I wasn't trying to add to the guilt, but honestly that buying stuff every weekend is not good for the kids.
reminds me of what H's mom/grandmother did to him as a kid...they bought him stuff/did stuff for him constantly to make up for what he didn't have (mainly a dad). I can see just how detrimental that has been for H. Even H sees it. but somehow that guilt-shopping still goes on.
I understand it, I do. but they would have been better served going to a park for an hour instead of going to barnes and noble again.
anyway, rant over. the kids are in bed a bit early tonight...they were tired and crabby and honestly so am I. I am ready to call H and just end things...schedule a time to work out the divorce details. Is it what I want? no. which is why I'm trying to hold off. but I'm just tired of putting up with crap, I guess. Tired and see no change or chance of change. him giving up therapy is huge. I've been trying to wait it out to see if he would get to a point where he would realize he really does need it, but not sure that time is coming. and I'm very sensitive that tomorrow I flip that calendar and poof, its october. october used to be one of my favorite months...now its just filled with crap. their 1st anniversary, our 10th. I need to stop thinking about it, but I can't. going to try to concentrate on the good stuff in the month. going to fill out the dates in dark ink with fun stuff that is planned so they will stand out. but I can tell the pressure cooker in me wasn't quite fully released.
M-41 H-38 M-10 years, T-14 years Bomb-PA 3/19/07 Separated-6/7/07 Piecing/h back home 5/08 S-6 S-4 D-4
"Courage doesn't always roar. Sometimes courage is that little voice at the end of the day that says, 'I'll try again tomorrow.'"
But I do want you to feel better. What's your plans for the week? Entertain me.