Hey...no one DB's perfectly...believe me I made some HUGE mistakes along the way...how about this for a major backslide?
I was home sick from work, puking my guts all night...get a call from a repo company looking for H...all I knew was the city he "might" live in...the gal gave me an address to see if I recognized it...from my GPS I knew that was the neighborhood that he was in most...so I wrote it down... I jumped out of bed, got dressed, hopped in the car and drove 2 hours to the address (stopped and got 7-Up on the way)...confirmed it was his address by the bike and some other things I saw in his storage area...but no car... I went to the beach that was less then a block from his home and layed down for a while...when I returned his car was there...I had my D papers in hand...I knocked on the door...he didn't answer...then I called through the window...he told me to go away...I told him I had papers to serve him and get signed and I wasn't leaving...he said to leave the papers and go...I said no...oh, forgot to mention I had a screwdriver with me incase he wasn't home I was going to break in (see, told you I did it good)...well I pulled the screen off of the window, reached through and opened the door...and with H trying to hold me back I pushed my way in...he said he was going to call the police...I said go ahead and went looking through the apartment for an OW...as he took a long time to respond to the door and he didn't want to let me in so I was sure someone was there...I was wrong...he signed the papers and asked me to leave...I said I wanted to talk...he said not there...he didn't want any memory of me in his place (ouch!)...so we left walking to the beach.. We sat and I cried, begged, pleaded, questioned, got angry...you name it I did it...we walked and got coffee...came back...the repo company called me and said they couldn't get the tow truck in where he was parked and asked if I thought he would give up the keys...I told them I thought they would and to have them meet us in a few minutes... I told H what was going on...he was furious thinking I had told them where he lived when it was them that told me!...he agreed to give the keys up...we returned and the repo guy was waiting...H demanded that I leave...but I wanted the phone at home to have my name only and for him to take over his cell phone from my name...so I stayed and called the phone companies...made H give permission for everything...then finally I left... I cried all the way home...knew I had made a complete ass of myself...figured there is no way in hell he would ever think that I had really made any changes...that I had convinced him that I was really insane... Well let's see...it was about 3 months later that he moved back closer to us...and a few more months before we started seeing each other and he moved back in.... While I would NEVER imply that you can do what I did and get a way with it...don't beat yourself up over the small stuff...just really try hard not to drive looking for him....don't go to his house...have the kids hide your keys if you need them to...
I know how very hard it is to want someone back in your life with every bone in your body...and how you KNOW you can be a better person if they would just give you the chance...you KNOW you could be happy as a couple again IF they would just try... but it really has to be on their time...and sometimes they need to hit rock bottom before they really get it...this is how my H had to go...it wasn't pretty...and he is still dealing with the after effects...
Hang in there...you are sounding much stronger to me...and I am so glad that my experiences are helping someone...because the hell I went through I wouldn't wish on my worst enemy and if there is any way I can help someone else survive this that I what I want to do...
Take care...Linda...is that better?...btw, my H's EA OW years earlier was named Lynn and her last name was a longer version of my maiden name...talk about creepy...and then a man that I had a short EA with during the S of me and H was named Larry...his wife was named Linda...and her OM was named Larry...imagine if we had all gotten together...two couples Larry and Linda...with one of each being X's!!!
