well, I'm heading out. called H quickly to say goodnight to the kids. he was fine, didn't say anything weird, seemed his normal (whatever that is) self. still, going to clear out the history on the computer, just in case. I don't imagine he'll actually do any of the things he suggested, but I'd hate for him to ever find this site.
M-41 H-38 M-10 years, T-14 years Bomb-PA 3/19/07 Separated-6/7/07 Piecing/h back home 5/08 S-6 S-4 D-4
"Courage doesn't always roar. Sometimes courage is that little voice at the end of the day that says, 'I'll try again tomorrow.'"
In a sick sort of way, it can be fun going out tonight wondering if H is following you, worrying about you, you know?
I think mk is right, he is trying in his own foggy way to say he cares about what you are doing. I think you pegged it, thank him for his concern (and not in the smart a$$ way that I might do to H lol) and say that you are always careful, have your phone, blah blah blah. Tell him that you know they are in great hands when he has them and that gives you time to relax.
I knew he wouldn't be following me because his mom is out of town and he has noone else to watch the kids. I honestly don't know what is going thru his head. I don't. and again, I need to stop trying to figure it out. maybe you all are right, maybe it is one of the ways he's trying to show that he still cares. like the $...he's really enjoying his new paychecks...they are significantly higher than his old job's. but every time he talks about the increase, it makes me ill, because to me, it doesn't mean more security or more disposable income...I still envision it divided out under a divorce decree.
talked to my friend about this just yesterday, actually. she feels that his preening about the $ is his way of trying to take care of me, in a way. instead it just annoys me. I mean, don't get me wrong, the $ is nice, but I guess I could enjoy it more if things weren't the way they are between us. although I suppose in the long run, I'll be better off since I'll get more in the settlement with this job than with the last. (gee, all over the place, aren't I? does any of this make sense? Its one of those things where I know what I mean, but can understand it comes across as confusing).
he's in a weird mood today, so should be interesting when he drops the kids off. this morning when I called the kids to say good morning, he actually called me an ass for not telling him what I did last night. nice, huh? when he first started in asking again, I decided to try the tactic you all were saying...I thanked him for his concern for my safety, and reminded him that I'm a smart cookie and am careful, etc. Wasn't good enough. he just went on about what an ass I was being not telling him. my favorite line just shows the adolescent in him oh so well..."everyone thinks you are being a jerk about this." lol. sorry, I'm 40, the peer pressure thing doesn't work quite so well at that age. I asked what that meant and he said his mom and his grandmother both think I am being an ass for not telling him stuff like this. which is laughable, because I've actually talked to his mom about my needing to detach and she thought I was doing the exact right thing here. so he bluffed, thinking it would change things. finally I said enough with the ass-calling, talk about the pot calling the kettle black, and he got irritated and hung up.
like I said, weird. but I'm not going to concern myself with it.
having a lazy morning. going to read the paper for a bit, then am going to head off to the new nordstrom for a bit to drool w/o kids along.
M-41 H-38 M-10 years, T-14 years Bomb-PA 3/19/07 Separated-6/7/07 Piecing/h back home 5/08 S-6 S-4 D-4
"Courage doesn't always roar. Sometimes courage is that little voice at the end of the day that says, 'I'll try again tomorrow.'"
LOL at him trying to 'back his story' with his mom and grandma!! That is hilarious. What a sad bluff. Well, the 'thanks for your concern" thing didn't work, but at least you said it. I don't know what you should do after this. I guess if you 'caved' and started telling him what you were doing, he would feel like "See, was that so bad to tell me?". UGH I don't know.
I know what you mean about being annoyed about the pay increase. I think its partially a mourning thing, that you cannot fully enjoy H's new success because you are apart. If you were together you could be planning fun things with the new money, you know? But now it is just annoying. I feel that way about H's new job. Its just another new area that I am not involved in, not invited to join or meet his new coworkers. I think H is wanting you to be proud of him and the $$ is his way of saying "I can still take care of you". I guess it could be a lot worse, and he could be trying to hide money, keep more for himself, etc.
I forget, do you still have one account for money?
omg, I am fuming mad. and lets just say, not a lot of db-ing around here today.
h had asked me if he could keep the kids later today than normal, and would have them back sometime between 12-1. well, apparently we had a huge miscommunication, because to me, that means I need to make sure I am here by 1. I figured he wouldn't be back till then, and just wanted the extra time.
took myself off to nordtrom and had a nice morning browsing. caved and got a new pair of shoes...very very cute shoes, exactly what I have been looking for, will wear them for years to come shoes. browsed a few more shops, got a new jacket finally, am unsure of it and actually thought to myself that I'd show it to H when he got here and see what he thought.
was almost home at around 12:30 and decided to swing into the grocery store that is close to my house for milk/bread. I hate the store, never go here, but didn't feel like going to the one I like since its a bit further away. It didn't cross my mind that either would be an issue, actually.
grabbed what I needed, was in the check-out line at 12:45, when my phone rang and its H going off on me. he had just pulled up to the house and I wasn't there and he was flipping out, yelling how he had plans. I'm 2 minutes away, mind you, just have to check out. I told him I thought is was 12-1, so 1 would be fine, asked why he was yelling at me and he kept yelling that he had plans.
I started fuming while in line at the store. finally got to my car and was home by 1pm on the dot. I had really worked myself up by this time...lets just say, I was using language I have never before used in my life. I've developed a bit of a potty mouth since last spring anyway, but there were terms and phrases even I didn't know I knew.
I jumped out, grabbed my groceries, and stormed in the house. H ran out, pissed, to put the carseats back into my car. I ran out yelling at him to just go, go, go, I could figure out the carseats, not to bother, hurry hurry hurry, I don't want him to be late. he refused, said he was going to do it, started going off on me about how 12-1 means that I should be here by 12 so whenever he got here, all would be fine.
F-him
fine, if that's what he meant, well, be more clear next time. I went off on him, told him finally (after he kept saying he had plans) that I'm sure she would forgive him for his lateness. He was crabby, said that had nothing to do with anything. I told him to go get a BJ, obviously those few days away from her made him especially crabby.
yeah, I went there. there is more, he kept trying to talk to me more about it, I kept telling him to go, go go, don't be late. he told me he already was late, that he should have been gone by 12:30, didn't even pull in till 12:45, and heavens, I wasn't there until 1pm.
f-him.
sorry, I'm still fuming. this was not pretty and not db-ing in the slightest. He actually slammed the door to the house when he left and took off like a bat out of hell.
gee, think my marriage has a chance? lol.
me neither.
M-41 H-38 M-10 years, T-14 years Bomb-PA 3/19/07 Separated-6/7/07 Piecing/h back home 5/08 S-6 S-4 D-4
"Courage doesn't always roar. Sometimes courage is that little voice at the end of the day that says, 'I'll try again tomorrow.'"
well, he just called to apologize. so that is something. nothing is better, mind, but at least that was something. he's pissed because he missed whatever the plans were. wonder what they are. maybe tix to the sox game? he could still make it, just wouldn't be there at opening. can't imagine what else would be so timed like that.
oh well, don't really care.
M-41 H-38 M-10 years, T-14 years Bomb-PA 3/19/07 Separated-6/7/07 Piecing/h back home 5/08 S-6 S-4 D-4
"Courage doesn't always roar. Sometimes courage is that little voice at the end of the day that says, 'I'll try again tomorrow.'"
Ok, first things first. We know that the apology likely killed him, LOL, but he did it and that says something. He should have been clearer with you about the time, saying he had to be leaving your house by 12:30pm or something along that line. It was just a bad bout of poor communicating. I am sorry it escalated a bit, but its really ok. Its like that pressure cooker that has to be released sometimes.
And yes, I do think your marriage has a chance. Think of it this way, you guys would have had a fight like this (ok, not the same subject LOL) while together, it just seems worse because of everything else going on.
Shake the exchange off. I feel bad for you though, talk about feeling attacked, and out of the blue, huh?
thanks, lwb. I fought dirty, though. I was really fuming mad and the stuff I said wasn't very nice. although I did hold back some, as hard as that is to believe. but bringing ow into it wasn't good. I think the only time I've ever fought dirtier/said worse was back in april when I found out he was still involved with her and I called him a waste of 13 years of my life, a f-ing sperm doner.
yeah, I was mad then, too.
and yeah, I know that wasn't good.
just talked to my sister and when I said what time would she have been home, she said 12, so I guess my bad there. I will know better next time. but honestly, (and he did admit he was late, too, which made him inevitably late for his big plans) I felt really blindsided. I had had a nice morning and felt really kicked in the gut here.
Last edited by morgan; 09/30/0705:57 PM.
M-41 H-38 M-10 years, T-14 years Bomb-PA 3/19/07 Separated-6/7/07 Piecing/h back home 5/08 S-6 S-4 D-4
"Courage doesn't always roar. Sometimes courage is that little voice at the end of the day that says, 'I'll try again tomorrow.'"
Its ok to 'talk dirty' to H sometimes. I think they need to see our anger at times, just not all the time, so then they can call us pyscho. But he attacked you first, and he realized that, and called.
I hope you feel better, I know what you mean about being kicked in the butt.
The thing is that every time he pisses you off you may feel tempted to go there even if that affair has nothing to do with him being and ass, that is what we will suspect, right? Until he is transparent and shows some contrition it will eat at you. You may wonder why is being mean to me, is it her? I am doing the same thing this very minute. My H claims he needs to study and will not be able to see the kids at the scheduled time. Now you know me, guess what I am thinking. Yeah, right. You cannot see the kids from 5-7 but 2-4 is ok. Let me guess, her work schedule, does she need a ride somewhere? Got movie or dinner plans. Ass.
I am so sorry, but remember that is how he probably acted before right? Remember terrible two's? The toddler has a tantrum with the grown up they trust the most. They keep it together for everyone else but as soon as the are with the parent they trust the most, they cry and whine and have a fit. Your H is acting like a child.
Last edited by mkultra; 09/30/0707:08 PM.
Me:38 H:39 MLC M:10 R:23 years D6 S3 Bomb: Easter, 2007 "Every day may not be good, but there's something good in every day."
Well, the 'thanks for your concern" thing didn't work, but at least you said it. I don't know what you should do after this. I guess if you 'caved' and started telling him what you were doing, he would feel like "See, was that so bad to tell me?". UGH I don't know. 
