'Passive Speak' in MLC

[heartbreak2]

Hi All

I read this thread last night and thought about it and realized when H's mlc really started.

I have heard most of the things said here.

All of our mutual friends and his partners at work were told.
"WE had been having problems for yrs. and WE decided to get a D."

but of course he had to say this to continue to live in the fantasy world for anything else said might awaken him to reality.

He is a surgeon one of the best and is one of the top Dr.s in the US according to recent polls and magazine articles I just found out. Residents and Interns have always loved to work with him and suddenly in the last 2 yrs they hate working with him. I heard this from an OR tech. He gets mad and this is a man who never gets mad and has patience of steel to do what he does and train a surgeon while doing it.

It is now 16 months and the wk the D was being processed he emailed me that "neither of us are perfect so don't lay guilt on me." He then put the D on hold. He brought it up again this week after 4 wks of ignoring I exist and me being still and nice. Only to go into hiding again.

Ok??? self induced guilt happening here folks !!!

The MLC timeline I did out a long time ago and placed him at 2-3 yrs def. 2. Well after seeing BIL 2 wks ago who is 55 and in MLC again I believe. He went through it 7 yrs ago. His wife told him one day I am leaving and he said ... there's the door. So she walked and is doing quite well. He was having an A and is still with the woman 7 yrs later..
funny his view of M... it is a business deal and every 5 yrs the contract should be up for renewal and if one wants out that is fine. Don't even get me started I wanted to hit him with a shovel but he has not brain to begin with.

so my SIL came to spend a week with H in May..she is 52 married to a great guy who drinks when unhappy and he is drinking again.
She had a heart attack 2 yrs ago smokes and is 60 lbs overweight.
pretty much does nothing but ebay and work and estate sale shop.
Has not spent time with her dad for the last 3 yrs unless a mandatory family event.

Ok this is the put them all in MLC... mom died 7 yrs ago suddenly in her sleep. Was not acutely ill had MS.
Dad went into depression big time. This person he had not paid attention to in yrs and slept in a different bedroom for 20 yrs was gone. He found a girlfriend... 3 yrs later. So well that is great but... she is 20 or so yrs younger than him. A mindless person who my BIL describes as beige inside and out and can't speak in complete sentences. So pretty much hates kids so the grandchildren are not dumped. She refused to get to know my SIL or I. My FIL was like my dad for my dad died when I was 22.

So this woman tore the family apart 3 yrs ago when they wed. Redid the house changed the locks made it HER house title and all and the kids have to knock to come in and that is only if invited.
That is when the 3 of them hit MLC big time I think.
For myself I now realize that I too was affected it put a huge strain on our M we now fought about his family and we had never done that in 20+ yrs. I had been a part of that family and now I had to go through red tape to talk to my FIL.

Funny how things can trigger all of this.
weirder how all of them say the same things.
I believe the dad had MLC also for I came into the family when he was in mid 50's and had already moved to guest room. He was totally non affectionate to his wife. Miserable at times and had a bad temper for yrs. that got better. He drank unbelievably for several yrs and then stopped.

I am coming to be at peace with this after 16 mon. I no longer think about the past and how I should have seen it coming. I look ahead and at what I want and need in life. How will I be happy with or with out him.

being happy with myself was the first step to all of it.
I caused some of the problems in the M but it was a partnership and we needed to work together so I can't blame him and he can't blame me.
We need to ea. look at ourselves and take responsibility for our faults and move forward.

We spoke in July and he then decided I was to blame again and that he had to leave. ?? no one made him he got caught in A and he bailed that day after wiping out the bank acct which was preplanned according to cell records.. oh he left a papertrail that my L loved.

I emailed him wks ago -that after a yr away that I am not a part of his life so I can no longer be blamed for his unhappiness.
If he is still unhappy he needs to realize happiness comes from within you not from around you.

maybe some day he will figure it out.

Until then I look ahead and not back and take ea. day and find something in it for me. yesterday I sat and watched the herons fish and man they eat a lot of fish.