I Need Help! Please!!! Sorry Really Long...

[theotherhalf]

Thanks imLIN,

I feel I get the best insight and imput from you and I greatly appreciate all of it. (I too still feel it is really ironic that my H's OW name is Lynn.)

Anyway,
Yes I do believe that H is trully in a fog and doesn't have a clue what he wants right now. I see the confusion in his eyes everytime I see him. That is why I don't pay too much attention to what he says, only a little to what he doesn't say, and 1/2 of what he does.

So what to say when he asks "What are you doing?"...I would say "Being a wife as best I can under the circumstances. My vows haven't changed yet."....or you could say "The same thing you are....trying to figure out what is best and see what happens."

Thanks for this, sounds like good answers. I have really lately been expecting this question to come and really didn't know how I was going to answer him.

calling SIL and telling her that you wanted to be there and then mentioning your concern about H wanting you there or not....well not a good move...that is pursuing....of course he is going to say what he did otherwise he looks like a bigger shmuck then he already is!...This also shows him he has power over you because you were afraid of making him mad...so he knows his feelings are controling your actions...

Yes I know that you are right. I guess I need to work on not letting my emotions control my actions.

but just maybe that night he needed space...

And your right about this too as after H left I drove past his house wanting to stop. I didn't. I even went as far as driving home (7 miles) and turned around and went back, tried his door, it was locked. Then called him, he didn't answer so I did go home then. I really wanted to spend the night again. But after I called I could have really kicked myself. I really wished that I could have just left him alone and let it be. But I guess I backslided again.

Starting to think maybe I need to go out again, away from him. I kind of need to go dark again for awhile.

I really think that going completely dark will not help my sitch. That my H needs to know that I am truly there for him and want him to come home, that I have forgiven him and want this to work. I know that in no way can I make it hard for him to come home.

But, I sometimes think I need to douse him with a dose of reality. That I could move on without him. That I may end up finding someone else and decided to let him go.

Also doing things for me makes me feel so much better than doing things to involve H. It is just so hard to find things to do around here. All my friends have their own lives and are M. My hanging out friends are my SIL's and I don't like to drag them out away from their families too much as I fear it will cause problems with their spouses. So when I find myself with nothing to do is when I find myself focusing on spending time with H.

I guess a little bit of it is knowing that if H is with me I know that he is not with OW. And that is a wonderful feeling!

Iknow, I know, as I read over this I still see alot of control going on and I know I need to let go of that as well. It's all so very hard but I hope that I am learning along the way.