I Need Help! Please!!! Sorry Really Long...

[theotherhalf]

Really wanted H to stay and hang out last night but of course he didn't. He said he was supposed to go to S's as they were going to have fire and sit out. I really really wanted to go to. It would be good to sit and b's by the fire. Kept thinking maybe he would call and ask me to come in as he has invited me the last couple times. It got to be almost 8 and still no call.

I was bored and frustrated so I call SIL. Told her I really wanted to come in but wasn't going to unless he asked me to. Didn't want to seem as I was pursuing him.

Less than 1/2 hr later BIL called and said to come in. Oh hell, don't care if H didn't invite, I'm going. So I did. I guess SIL said to H that she had talked to me and I wanted to come in but was afraid H would get mad. He told her that I can do what ever I wanted to and that he didn't give a s*** if I came in. So that is why they called.

Well I went but H was pretty drunk when I got there. Didn't really talk to him much but had a good time talking with BIL and SIL. Still feels a little odd to be around H in these sitches but not nearly as weird as in the beginning. I guess now I feel little uncomfortable around H but not where I am at or with who else is there.

I am starting to wonder if H thinks that we are going to still be apart of each others lives as before, just not together. NO WAY! I can do that for now as I will take any time with him but this can not last forever. There will have to come a point where we work this out and he comes back or I am going to have to let go of his family and H and walk out of their lives and move on.

I really don't know what to think of my sitch anymore. H seems to be just going with the flo. Living on his own, no responsibilty to me or girls except financially. If he feels like having me around he calls and invites, when I am there he's just casual to me like I'm one of the croud. If at the end of the night I decide I want to be with him, his door is open. No initiating, no feelings involved, no R talk, no D talk. When he comes here he doesn't say hi, when he leaves here or wherever we are he doesn't say good-bye. He seems to be just exsiting and that's all. I don't get it.