NoDirection, I hope you can find a good Christian C, but another thing you have to realize is that you are not all to blame for the sitch, your W, has done her share too, so don't be so hard on yourself.
The reason I say this, is if your M is to work, you both have to change, you can change and I know that you will, but without her doing the same, it will never be the way you want it. But as you know you can't change her, only can show her through your actions, as you change, that change is good, but ultimately, that decision is hers.
Please don't misunderstand this, I know where you are coming from, at first, I blamed my W for everything, then I got on the pity train and blamed myself for it all. The truth is we were both at fault, we both made major mistakes, during the M and separation, the difference is that now, I have decided to do my best to stop making them, and change for me, she hasn't.
One thing I have learned is that you can't beat yourself up, over it, remember, you are a great person, with a to offer, a lot of love, faith and many other fine qualities, it is up to your W to see this, for herself.
Be the Strong man that God wants you to be, a strong man who recognizes his own shortcomings, and does what he can to make himself better, but also can see the world for what it is. If I am way off the mark on this one, then I apologize, but if not, then I hope what I have said makes some sense to you. Take care
