I knew he wouldn't be following me because his mom is out of town and he has noone else to watch the kids. I honestly don't know what is going thru his head. I don't. and again, I need to stop trying to figure it out. maybe you all are right, maybe it is one of the ways he's trying to show that he still cares. like the $...he's really enjoying his new paychecks...they are significantly higher than his old job's. but every time he talks about the increase, it makes me ill, because to me, it doesn't mean more security or more disposable income...I still envision it divided out under a divorce decree.
talked to my friend about this just yesterday, actually. she feels that his preening about the $ is his way of trying to take care of me, in a way. instead it just annoys me. I mean, don't get me wrong, the $ is nice, but I guess I could enjoy it more if things weren't the way they are between us. although I suppose in the long run, I'll be better off since I'll get more in the settlement with this job than with the last. (gee, all over the place, aren't I? does any of this make sense? Its one of those things where I know what I mean, but can understand it comes across as confusing).
he's in a weird mood today, so should be interesting when he drops the kids off. this morning when I called the kids to say good morning, he actually called me an ass for not telling him what I did last night. nice, huh? when he first started in asking again, I decided to try the tactic you all were saying...I thanked him for his concern for my safety, and reminded him that I'm a smart cookie and am careful, etc. Wasn't good enough. he just went on about what an ass I was being not telling him. my favorite line just shows the adolescent in him oh so well..."everyone thinks you are being a jerk about this." lol. sorry, I'm 40, the peer pressure thing doesn't work quite so well at that age. I asked what that meant and he said his mom and his grandmother both think I am being an ass for not telling him stuff like this. which is laughable, because I've actually talked to his mom about my needing to detach and she thought I was doing the exact right thing here. so he bluffed, thinking it would change things. finally I said enough with the ass-calling, talk about the pot calling the kettle black, and he got irritated and hung up.
like I said, weird. but I'm not going to concern myself with it.
having a lazy morning. going to read the paper for a bit, then am going to head off to the new nordstrom for a bit to drool w/o kids along.
M-41 H-38 M-10 years, T-14 years Bomb-PA 3/19/07 Separated-6/7/07 Piecing/h back home 5/08 S-6 S-4 D-4
"Courage doesn't always roar. Sometimes courage is that little voice at the end of the day that says, 'I'll try again tomorrow.'"
