Growing up is hard to do

[peaceful_spirit]

Angelica,
He wants to sleep in bed with me. I am saying no. He wants everything to go back to normal, but at the advice from the C, there needs to be some space... something for H to work towards. And I feel better with him downstaris. It makes me feel less like I'm just giving in again. It gives me some boundaries.

I am lyin here awake in bed thinking... and the following thoughts came to me that I'd like to jounal:

- I am so happy this happened to me, because this experience made me the person I had wanted to be but didn't know how to get there.
- I am a much better mother for it.
- I feel confident that I can build a satisfying life without my H, if need be.
- He doesn't do these things out of malice. It's simply because he doesn't know any better, having a crappy role model in a dad and a mother who didn't really know how to guide her children.
- When things are good with me and H, they're really good... REALLY good. But what gets us(him) into trouble is when things are not so good. He has an escape (OW) who he can turn to at any moment in time. When things get rough, he turns to her as a non-judgemental eye and someone who will accept his behavior.
- I trust his/our C. She is not going to let him get away with any crap. She is very good at pointing out behaviors (on both our sides) that are destructive.
- I need to stand firm on him sleeping on the couch. As the C puts it, he needs to feel discomfort, and I need to stop making things easy for him.

Okay, those are my middle-of-the-night ponderings.