Rollar Coasters are no longer fun

[Amy]

She has lied about so much that it is hard to even begin. She told me Tuesday night that he was still in the hospital and she had visited him and he was in good spirits. She had checked him out at 5PM taken him to dinner and sent him on his way with his girlfriend.

That is just one of the recent ones that really got me.

I have slept most of the afternoon and my head is a bit clearer. I really am at the point that I just need to figure out what I am doing and what I want. I love my husband and I would love nothing more than my family but when I look at all the lies, deception, and hurt I honestly am not sure at this point if I am even strong enough to get past that. I am not sure I can take the thought of a life looking over my shoulder wondering what he is doing.

I feel like I deserve so much more than that. Maybe if he gets help he and I can start over and who knows but for now I honestly don't even want to take his phone calls until he gets his self under control.

I know for each step forward there are two back so I am sure the days that lie ahead are not easy but I also know that at least now I am trying to move forward because for the past six weeks I have just been spinning my wheels.