Well, I was doing great about this trip until I got about 10 miles from my parent's house. The Nickelback song "Far Away" came on the radio. That one makes me cry. Did I change it? NO.
I called H when we got here, as I promised we would. H told me that he was on with a customer and would call me back. He said that he wasn't feeling well (headache) and was going to leave a little early, but would be working on Sat. He called back when he said he would....on his way home from work. It was only 1/2 hr. earlier than normal. I asked H what he was going to do last night (probably shouldn't have). He said just stop & pick something up to eat & go home.
I went out with my sister & cousin last night and had a great time. Thought of H off and on. I kept telling myself not to, but couldn't help it.
H called just a short time ago from work. I know he's there, as I had to call him right back. Asked if he was feeling better. He said yes, that he'd gotten some sleep last night. He said he'd pick up something to eat & some wine and had fallen asleep early. He said he woke up around 4:00 and watched some movies. I know, I know.....he's giving details of his night. However, that's what my H is like. He'd typically do that for me, so I'm not extremely worried about that. H asked me to call him back around noon, as he has a customer calling. Oh, and he did ask details about what I did last night. Told him a little more than I really did. Told him I got home a little late, so I slept in while Grandpa took D3 out to play.
Need to get going. Might/might not be able to get back on.
Talked to my sister last night and we talked about the confrontation from Tuesday morning. She said she was proud of me, as I seemed a lot stronger than I've been before.
Have a good day everyone.
SueS
ME: 42, H: 42, D6 Together: 18 yrs. Married: 15 yrs. Attended Retrouvaille - December 2009 Status: Working on it day by day
Did your husband ever see anger from you the first time he did this?
Also I would actually suggest you not calling him so much while there. He can't miss you if he's talking to you so much. *wink* It would just be a great opportunity for you to let him sit and wonder what your doing. That would be a 180 for you I think to not call him as much as you do. If he does then great and try to keep it short. But when you do then to me anyway that is pursuing him.
When you say the first time he did this, you mean his first A six years ago, right? No, H didn't see any anger from me the 1st time around. At first it was a lot of hurt. I did throw a gas receipt at him that showed he hadn't been where he said he was, but then I cried. After that I found DR and tried to follow that. I had also gone on AD's and that helped my confidence and slowed the crying.
This time around I did show anger. I didn't yell, but was forceful with my words.
I did call him back just before noon, as he'd asked me to. We talked for a few more minutes. He asked what we were going to do today. I told him I wasn't sure. I casually asked what his plans were for the rest of the day/evening. He said....I'm going to the store for some groceries for us to the week, buying myself some lamb chops (I don't like them, so he doesn't usually buy them), buy some beer and sit my butt on the couch to watch sports & maybe some movies. I said.....So this really is a weekend about just you. He said, yes. He said...okay, well I gotta run, I've got a customer calling. I just said....yeah. He quickly said....Okay, hey, I love you hun, I'll talk to you later. I said....love you too and hung up.
I won't be calling him tonight, as I'd expect he'll think I will. I'll just buzz before we leave tomorrow. It's a common courtesy that we do for each other, especially since I have D3 with me and we're driving 5 1/2 hours.
We had good, no R conversations, so my weekend has gone okay. Plus I've had a great time with my family. I got to see my Grandma today too, so that was nice.
I just hope that he is actually taking this weekend for just him.
Have a good evening.
SueS
ME: 42, H: 42, D6 Together: 18 yrs. Married: 15 yrs. Attended Retrouvaille - December 2009 Status: Working on it day by day
Hi Sue, that was some good exchanges between you and H today. The ILY came from him first, that's great. I hope you are enjoying yourself. The space you have can't hurt, and I think he'll be happy to see you both tomorrow. Be safe driving home.
Well, nothing happening tonight. However, H doesn't need to know that. Stayed out too late with my sister last night.
H called tonight. I took the call. He asked what I was doing. I said...nothing right now, not quite sure yet what we're going to do. Little does he know I'm sitting here in my pj's watching football with my dad. I said, what about you? He told me he was gearing up for the concert. He's excited about seeing Bruce Springsteen in LA with his brother and the concert is a month away. He'd been sitting listening to music. I said, what else have you been up to? He said, not much, I might run out for a little more beer, going to cook up my lamb chops soon & chill out. He has tickets for a concert tomorrow night, so I asked him if he'd found anyone to go with. He said....yeah, my friend Russ. He said, why? I just told him that I was tired of him going alone so I could have called a friend to babysit and I could go with, but since his friend is going, I won't worry about it. Then he asked why I didn't just want to stay until Monday. I hate that. It's not like my H hasn't pushed for more time by himself before, but now's not the right time for him to suggest that. I told him that Monday was the 1st and I'd be way to busy at work. He pushed a little more and I asked why he was trying to get rid of me. He just said I was just looking for a full weekend by myself. Although he might play golf tomorrow and then go to that concert. He won't see us anyway. I said, well, sorry, but we're coming home tomorrow. We talked for a few more minutes. When we were getting off, he said okay then, we both said love you at the same time. He said, love you too. We hung up and D3 was upset because she hadn't talked to him, so we called him right back. He talked to her for a few minutes and then I heard him say.....D3, tell mom you want to stay until Monday. I took the phone and laughed.....I said, we will be home tomorrow.....I told you that Monday is going to be WAY to busy for me at work to take off. He said, okay then and my phone went out. I called him right back and said.....sorry, my phone cut out.....were you saying something to me? He said....yes I was....I said, have fun tonight and I miss you. We both laughed and I said....sure you do smarta$$. He said, okay then, I'll talk to you tomorrow.....again, he said....love you.
Didn't really want to have that much communication with him tonight, but he just kept talking. As far as he knows, I will have gone out again tonight with my cousin. She's single and just a few years younger than me. Not sure how to feel about him pushing me to say longer. H has always been a bit selfish, so if he'd never done it before, I'd be terribly offended. However, it's very much like my H to want to have the full weekend by himself and possibly be able to just chill and watch football by himself without us (if he doesn't golf).
Not looking forward to a 5 1/2 hour drive home tomorrow.
SueS
ME: 42, H: 42, D6 Together: 18 yrs. Married: 15 yrs. Attended Retrouvaille - December 2009 Status: Working on it day by day
If your H is anything like mine (in good ways LOL), I think he was just seeing that you were enjoying yourself and told you it was ok to stay on. Plus, in the primitive man sort of way, he is probably enjoying sitting on the couch, making all sorts of bodily noises and not having to say "excuse me", scratching himself, and eating what he wants. Doesn't mean he doesn't miss you.
One thing (don't kill me) is I think you need to stop offering to do things with him, stop being available to him in that way. I am not talking about sex, because that's different. I am talking about possibly sounding 'needy' with the "I would have wanted to go" talk. Make some plans for yourself, have fun, and try to wait to see if H invites you to do things next time.
One thing (don't kill me) is I think you need to stop offering to do things with him, stop being available to him in that way.
lwb.....no plans of violence here for anything you say!! I know what you mean about not being available for him. The reason I offered that is because he was supposed to have a friend come up for the weekend and go to the concert with him. We've had an almost impossible time being able to go to concerts together because of no babysitter. We used to go together to EVERYTHING. He was just explaining to someone a few weeks ago that he ALWAYS goes by himself because I can't go or I don't always like the music that he goes to see. I just wanted to offer to try to open up to his interests a little and to finally go with him.
I do plan on trying to get out next weekend for a little while. I think I'll tell him that I'm going to dinner with a friend, but then go see a movie or something. We'll see how that goes! Just to make him think.
Have a good night....
Oh, and I laughed at something you said.......Trust me, my H has no problems letting out bodily noises or scratching himself when I'm around!
SueS
Last edited by SueS; 09/30/0703:10 AM.
ME: 42, H: 42, D6 Together: 18 yrs. Married: 15 yrs. Attended Retrouvaille - December 2009 Status: Working on it day by day
I think it's great that you had the confrontation. If it had been me, I would have been printing those emails! Sounds like he is talking nicely to you now, and acting concerned about you. Hopefully, you caught this before it turned into anything too serious. Getting an affair out in the open takes away a lot of the mystique. You handling yourself very well through all of this.
