This is why you have to learn to detach. When I'm feeling really vulnerable, I try to pretend I'm an actor (preferably a bad one) in a role and as I see things unfold I try to remember to breathe before I speak.
I know what you mean about not being able to take it. My H got all pissy on day this weekend and wouldn't say a word. I stood in front of him and (as casually as I could muster)said "Did I do something inparticular to make you mad or is it just b/c I'm breathing?" His response was "no". Beats me. I went out.
All I want is to hear something from him, anything, as at thispoint it would at least mean he thought of me, even for a brife second.....I feel like I have been removed totally from all his thoughts....
I know it feels that way. When we know they think of us we want more. It just doesn't work that way I'm afraid. We get to live out here with no idea of what's going on in their heads. The key part of that phrase is "live". It's hard not to think about it all the time. Then at some point you notice you just went 5 min. without thinking of him, then 10 etc. Perhaps the "mother ship" has done some kind of mind wipe?
I feel like a fool sometimes because i KNOW that he will be back, it will just take time, and a alot of it. Not being abe to do anything to help is kiling me, but I would just like to know I cross his mind every once in awhile. For me, it hasto start swomewhere....
don't drive yourself crazy asking, because I did the same thing. And, it only made me ill. You cannot make sense of it for him. Trust me when I tell you, just let him go for now and think positive things for yourself because that is all you can control right now. I know the pain you feel; I know it very well. Believe what I say. Sending you a hug and prayers tonight. Get some sleep and put your mind to rest for tonight, ok?
Most of us really marry only once. First love endures, even unto our dying day. And we never really divorce.
OK, really losing it today. I feel like I am just coasting through my day, every day, with no point to any of it. I hate waking up in the morning, and wish I wouldn;t nearly every day. I have a full life, always doing somehting, but I reaqlly cannot handle this no contact any moire. I would say it was killing me, but I'm not that lucky. I don;t want to live like this, and it is all I've got....
what can i do now, as I feel like I am just going through the motions. I cannot distract myself forever. I miss him! How can he still be distracting himself?!?!? This is so hard, and i am fading fast.....
I'm sorry that you are going through this. I have been right where you are ! It's still very early days for you ...this will take a LONG time....you need to find your OWN purpose in life, not just distractions....find a hobby, make new friends, do some new activities...do you have kids? Stay involved with them ...
It's all about getting a life ! GAL ! You will get the hang of it...it takes time, take it slow...one step at a time, one minute at a time !
Love Cinders xxx
"In the depths of my winter, I realized there is within me an invincible summer" Albert Camus
This is my problem. 'i HAVE a very full, active life, I juwt don;t see the point anymore. I wish 'i knew how he could do this so 'i could leaqrn to shut everythng off, too.
